No. of Recommendations: 3
Wowsa. Spectacularly bad. An epic disaster on the scale of Howard the Duck and Ishtar. I only made it an hour, I just couldn't take anymore. A mishmash of Avatar, Star Wars, Star Trek and James Bond. In his opening scene, the character of Valerian, some kind of intergalactic 007, is setup as being this great ladies man, which is really hard to swallow since the actor has the presence and charisma of... Well, he has no presence or charisma at all, actually. Plus he looks about 15 years old. So I'm wondering, Is this supposed to be a parody? A parody of a parody? Apparently not. The pseudo-witty dialogue is actually meant to be funny. It's not.

There's some really lazy writing to go along with the really bad dialogue. In their first mission, Valerian and his hottie sidekick are fleeing a monster which kills everyone on the mission but our two heroes, who don't even blink afterwards, they just carry on with their witless repartee, without the slightest acknowledgment that all their fellow agents were just wiped out.

The movie looks like it cost about a gazillion dollars, but the look is derivative of those other, better films, except that this one is ugly, cheesy and gaudy.

Cripes, what a catastrophe.
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