Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
 
UnThreaded | Threaded | Whole Thread (13) | Ignore Thread Prev Thread | Next Thread
Author: cabinsmama Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 5056  
Subject: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/5/2012 10:06 AM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 1
I'm not quite sure how to handle this in a way that is fair to everyone.
Last year, my BFF, who is retired, moved to Costa Rica. She gave away or sold everything she owned that couldn't be put in suitcases. There was a lot of blithe "I'l never need this again!" going on, in all the excitement.

Some of the "give-aways" were leather jackets & pants, appliances, some furniture, lots of kitchen stuff (and some stuff, like tools and family heirlooms were "store these until or if I come back").

Some things, I bought outright, at almost dirt-cheap prices ($300 lamp for $50, etc.)

Well, she's sick of Costa Rica and is moving back in January. To an empty house. She hasn't said anything yet, but I'm not sure if I should offer her the stuff she gave me back (if I still have it-some things, I've passed on to other people), wait for her to ask...and it feels weird to tell her she needs to buy her own stuff back. I don't want to torpedo a 20 year friendship.

Any thoughts on the right thing to do here?

cm
Print the post Back To Top
Author: Rael137 Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4715 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/5/2012 11:03 AM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 1
Any thoughts on the right thing to do here?

I would wait for her to ask. Maybe she will take the high road and not mention it.

It sounds like you are tempted to offer - please try to resist that. If you offer then you are basically saying you don't have any claim on the stuff and you will be stuck in the position of just giving it back to "be nice".

I assume the heirlooms and tools will automatically go back?

Print the post Back To Top
Author: alstroemeria Big gold star, 5000 posts Top Recommended Fools Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4716 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/5/2012 11:10 AM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 0
Any thoughts on the right thing to do here?

Depending on her financial circumstances, I'd offer to go yard-saling, flea-marketing, craigslist perusing, or shopping with her. And if you have anything around that you don't need, maybe give it to her, whether it was one of her castoffs or not. And see if any friends or relatives have suitable items. I gave away my old kitchen set from the 80s a few months ago myself.

Print the post Back To Top
Author: Frydaze1 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4717 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/5/2012 11:53 AM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 7
That's a sticky one.

My gut reaction is that she wasn't too good of a friend to accept your money for her items. She didn't just give them to you since she wouldn't need them any longer. So she shouldn't have a problem with giving you your money back in exchange for getting her stuff back.

In fact, if she brings it up, and you're comfortable with it, you could phrase it in those terms:

"Sure, I totally understand! We can just treat it as if I borrowed your things and you borrowed my money. It was just a temporary arrangement. We'll exchange them back again and call it good."



Frydaze1

Print the post Back To Top
Author: cabinsmama Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4718 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/5/2012 1:13 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 0
Yes, the stuff that she wanted to keep never got unpacked and is waiting for her.

Waiting sounds interesting. I just realized this could be a way to get rid of the decent kitchenware and a host of other stuff we stored when we got rid of our vacation cabin.

I'm really curious to see how she makes it back. What she has now is the result of multiple trips down (her, family, friends) and includes 3-4 pets.

cm

Print the post Back To Top
Author: cabinsmama Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4719 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/5/2012 1:15 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 0
Yeah, I just realized this might be a way to clear out some of our "perfectly good things that are making our home bust at the seams" stuff.

cm

Print the post Back To Top
Author: cabinsmama Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4720 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/5/2012 1:21 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 1
That's funny, and you're right :-) I actually did this years ago--a friend got suddenly transferred to France and I bought the contents of her whole apartment, sending her payments monthly (it was right when I was moving and I could use everything she had, pretty much). Things went awry and she had to move back, so I stopped paying her for the last few months she was away, then gave her stuff back when she came back. Basically, I "rented" her stuff, which turned out fine since it gave us time to pick out our own stuff.

There wasn't any rhyme or reason to what I paid for--she gave me a Kitchen Aid mixer, a pricy juicer, a leather jacket, but then couldn't sell a $300 lamp she'd tagged at $50 so I bought that and some other things.

There's going to be a lot of things that she'll be asking about that I'll be telling her "nope, I gave that away".

One of those friends who keeps life interesting.

cm

Print the post Back To Top
Author: legalwordwarrior Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4721 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/6/2012 5:21 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 0
Well, she's sick of Costa Rica and is moving back in January.

I see the words...


To an empty house.

Any chance she'll take the opportunity to downsize? If she ends up in a smaller place, she may not actually want to reclaim much of the stuff.

LWW

Print the post Back To Top
Author: cabinsmama Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4722 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/6/2012 6:57 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 0
I know...it's hot, she almost drowned when her car went into a river, and a European guy with a drinking problem has threatened to shoot her dog for barking when he's on a leash-walk. It's brown and dusty 6 months out of the year, and the mosquitoes are constant.

She didn't pick the greatest area to live in, I don't think. She sure thought the climate was more moderate but you have to get away from the coast for that, I think.

We had a great time when we visited, though.

Downsizing...she's been trying to sell her house for over a year. She'd love to but hasn't had any luck.

Never a dull moment...

cm

Print the post Back To Top
Author: legalwordwarrior Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4723 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/7/2012 11:31 AM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 0
She didn't pick the greatest area to live in, I don't think. She sure thought the climate was more moderate but you have to get away from the coast for that, I think.

One of my brother's recently got rid of his house in Costa Rica in favor of a place in Nicaragua. He loves the climate down there, even with the mosquitoes :0)

LWW

Print the post Back To Top
Author: cabinsmama Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4724 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/7/2012 12:13 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 1
OMG, I LOVED Nicaragua when we went there for a few days! Food was great, prices were very reasonable, and we were up fairly high (San Juan del Sur)and found the climate very nice. The people were nice, too.

I'd do the same thing (move from CR to N). I know a lot of people love CR (and I shouldn't compare an expat village in CR to a resort area in Nic) but I get the preference for Nicaragua.

The place we stayed had two bedroom, two bath villas, pool and breakfast included, about 15 minutes from the beach...and they were renting them for $1000 a month when we were there. The town had some of the best food I've ever eaten in my life.

I hope you get to visit :-D

cm

Print the post Back To Top
Author: legalwordwarrior Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4725 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 11/7/2012 5:43 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 0
I hope you get to visit :-D

I better! He has a place near the beach :0)

LWW

Print the post Back To Top
Author: lovingrose Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 4730 of 5056
Subject: Re: Want to be a good friend, but... Date: 12/5/2012 4:05 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 0
I would wait for her to ask. Maybe she will take the high road and not mention it.
************************
Or maybe she's wanting to start over with all new things. I'd wait for her to ask for stuff back and don't be shy about asking for the money if she wants the stuff back that you paid for.

Print the post Back To Top
UnThreaded | Threaded | Whole Thread (13) | Ignore Thread Prev Thread | Next Thread
Advertisement