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Author: LuluB Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 44390  
Subject: Re: dishonesty Date: 7/9/2001 4:43 PM
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Well, what kind of lies are we talking about? Some people equate honesty with spilling their guts. Some things are okay left to oneself. If you are wearing an outfit that I don't like, I *can* keep that to myself. Even if asked. Or if there is a sore spot, I can let it go. For example, BF is ALWAYS late. It used to peeve me to no end, yet I let it go because he's worth the wait. However, I suppose that is *dishonest* because I chose to keep it to myself rather than spill every little thought that I have inside. In my experience, someone who asks for honesty cannot often handle it when it's given.

Asking if someone brushed their teeth is like a parent asking a child. What if she had said, "No I didn't. Goodnight." Would you have then hounded her until she had brushed them? Nobody on the planet is *totally* honest, male or female. If the *lie* does not hurt you (whether she brushed her teeth or not) just let it go. She obviously has another issue with you and chooses to not confront it. Otherwise, why lie about something as trivial as whether or not her teeth were brushed? Perhaps she lied to get you off her back? Maybe she thought you would hound her and therefore thought you'd leave her alone if she lied about brushing them. If you bought her flowers, and she did not care for the arrangement she got, yet said she loved them. Technically, that is a lie. Yet, does it really matter in the long run?

As I do not know you, this is merely guessing on my part, based on what you wrote.

You are not her parent, yet it seems as if you are acting like one.
This morning I told her to make an appointment with her therapist today and start preparing to be alone

Either be her equal or keep being her parent.

Nobody will please you 100% of the time. Do you love her? Do you think she's faithful to you (toothbrush lie does not always equate to infidelity lie)? If so, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you expect too much of the people you are with, you'll end up alone. Which is okay if that's what you want. But if it isn't, perhaps you'd get more out of a therapy session than your GF would.

FWIW

Louise

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