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Author: CCSand Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 12878  
Subject: Re: Our Lame Duck Date: 10/17/2003 12:48 AM
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whafa wrote:

My dad had two kids with my mom while they were married, then left and had two kids with another woman but they were never married. My mom found my step-dad and remarried very before I was really aware. My dad left the second woman when he started having kids with another (a colorful life, to be sure, but I'm very happy to have my 9 brothers and sisters)

I'm glad you have 9 brothers and sisters too, but I'm sure you would have preferred that this didn't come about in this way. How did your dad manage to support 9 children? Or did he?

Point is, my sisters from the second woman are WAY more well-adjusted than I am. I had a great, loving mom and my step-dad was a great father. So I am at least one data point that suggests marriage is not necessarily associated with well-adjusted children.

I don't know you and I don't know your sisters, so it's kind of difficult for me, an impartial observer, to say one way or the other.

I would not want to suggest that the lack of a marriage is a guarantee that children are going to be screwed up. There are a lot of factors that come into play. But marriage - not in the sense of going to some courthouse and getting a piece of paper, but in the sense of a lifelong full and complete commitment - definitely contributes to the health and well being of children.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0786886161/qid=1066364745/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-0011442-0230569?v=glance&s=books

In my view, and this comes from 5 years of working in the divorce field, there is no substitute for a lifelong, permanent commitment between two healthy and mature adults.

Marriage isn't required for this, two loving parents are. The question is if they can both be the same gender and still raise a well-adjusted child. I would be interested in seeing any data that suggests this is not possible.

There are very few studies which are not fatally flawed either methodologically or from small sample size. What studies there are suggest that there are differences both in behavior and attitudes of the children with regards to sexuality. It is not yet clear what these differences mean. There are studies which show a genetic component, but studies also suggest that there is a behavioral or learned component. The data is anything but clear.

I do not advocate making such a monumental change to an institution as basic as marriage without a lot of thought and without some idea as to what the unintended consequences might be.

Looking back on the last 40 years, we have more freedoms, but we have learned very little in the area of personal responsibility or how to handle some of these freedoms. A lot of this, in my opinion, is because the law and our new social mores now advocate that someone other than the actor be responsible for his/her actions.

CCSand
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