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Author: bdhinton Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 196096  
Subject: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 1:19 PM
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My son's a sophomore in college at an east-coast US university. Yesterday he was in the lounge area of one the academic buildings on campus, when a middle-aged woman with a heavy middle eastern accent and a briefcase chewed him out for having his feet propped up on the footrest (just like a bunch of other students), thus exposing the bottoms of his shoes to her.

She told him that he was disrespecting her culture, and that in her country he'd be killed for doing that, and demanded that he put his feet down.

What would you do? And would you consider this a veiled threat?
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Author: Frydaze1 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183248 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 1:29 PM
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She told him that he was disrespecting her culture, and that in her country he'd be killed for doing that, and demanded that he put his feet down.

What would you do? And would you consider this a veiled threat?


I think that saying it is a killing offense in her country is not the same as threatening to kill him here.

I would apologize for inadvertantly doing something that offended her... but explain that in our culture it is quite common and not intended as an insult to anyone and she shouldn't take it as one. And I'd leave my feet up, unless she was a close friend.


Frydaze1

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Author: NigelGlitter Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183249 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 1:30 PM
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What would you do? And would you consider this a veiled threat?

I'd remind her we aren't in her country and if she continued, I'd forget I was gentleman and chew her brand spanking new asshole.

But, and just for record, I am an asshole.

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Author: bdhinton Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183251 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 1:34 PM
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I would apologize for inadvertantly doing something that offended her... but explain that in our culture it is quite common and not intended as an insult to anyone and she shouldn't take it as one. And I'd leave my feet up, unless she was a close friend.

I like that

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Author: 0x6a74 Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183252 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 1:36 PM
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She told him that he was disrespecting her culture, and that in her country he'd be killed for doing that, and demanded that he put his feet down.

What would you do? And would you consider this a veiled threat?


state college or private?

so strange, hard to say what I'd actually do
suspect at that age, I'd give her The Look


would not consider it a threat

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Author: JavaRunner Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183253 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 1:42 PM
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My son's a sophomore in college at an east-coast US university. Yesterday he was in the lounge area of one the academic buildings on campus, when a middle-aged woman with a heavy middle eastern accent and a briefcase chewed him out for having his feet propped up on the footrest (just like a bunch of other students), thus exposing the bottoms of his shoes to her.

She told him that he was disrespecting her culture, and that in her country he'd be killed for doing that, and demanded that he put his feet down.

What would you do? And would you consider this a veiled threat?
=======================================================================

I would apologize for the offense, but also explain that in our culture it's ok. I would then put my feet down in her presence, and put them back up after she left.

I don't consider it a threat, jut an uptight woman. It actually reminds me of things my grandmother did.

Charlie

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Author: RayKinsella Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183254 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 1:44 PM
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I would apologize for the offense, but also explain that in our culture it's ok. I would then put my feet down in her presence, and put them back up after she left.

I don't consider it a threat, jut an uptight woman. It actually reminds me of things my grandmother did.



I agree.
I think we should all lighten up a bit and be willing to give in a little to not offend each other.
Ray

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Author: AngelMay Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183255 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 1:46 PM
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She told him that he was disrespecting her culture, and that in her country he'd be killed for doing that, and demanded that he put his feet down.

What would you do?




Lady, I'm not in your country.
We are in the United States of America where we have laws AGAINST killing people. Mind your own damned business.

AM

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Author: bdhinton Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183256 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 1:54 PM
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Lady, I'm not in your country.
We are in the United States of America where we have laws AGAINST killing people. Mind your own damned business.


I like this too. I'm torn in both directions

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Author: AdrianC Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183257 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 2:03 PM
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Lady, I'm not in your country.
We are in the United States of America where we have laws AGAINST killing people. Mind your own damned business.


This is my first reaction.

Do they really kill someone for that?

Really?

REALLY???

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Author: MetroChick Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183259 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 2:38 PM
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I'd ask, "If your country is so great, why aren't you in it right now? Since you decided to come to another country, and specifically to a place of learning, one would think you would be interested in learning about the culture HERE, and go about it in ways where you weren't DISRESPECTING your hosts".

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Author: bdhinton Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183260 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 2:39 PM
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I think people who come to this country should adjust their expectations to fit the culture they are in.

When we are sitting in a public place minding our own business, it's unreasonable to expect us to 1) know what country you come from 2) know what your home culture values are so we can conform our body posture and who knows what else so it doesn't offend you.

I think Frydaze had the best compromise between our rights and not wanting to unnecessarily offend. I wonder thought if apologizing, while the polite thing to do, only encourages their bad behaviour?

My son apologized and put his feet down, because he thought she might be a prof and could cause trouble for him

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Author: lhaselden Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183264 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 4:44 PM
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Hand her a knife and tell her in this country in this culture she will go to prison for a long time for killing someone.

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Author: lhaselden Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183266 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 4:52 PM
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<<
My son apologized and put his feet down, because he thought she might be a prof and could cause trouble for him
>>

Teach him not to be so easily intimidated by bullies.

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Author: rev2217 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183272 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 6:34 PM
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bdhinton,

My son's a sophomore in college at an east-coast US university. Yesterday he was in the lounge area of one the academic buildings on campus, when a middle-aged woman with a heavy middle eastern accent and a briefcase chewed him out for having his feet propped up on the footrest (just like a bunch of other students), thus exposing the bottoms of his shoes to her.

She told him that he was disrespecting her culture, and that in her country he'd be killed for doing that, and demanded that he put his feet down.

What would you do?


Well, first, I probably would not be the student with his feet up on the table, as my parents did teach me better manners than that.

But, second, if such an incident were to occur, I probably would look her straight in the eye and tell her in no uncertain terms (1) that this is not the country from which she comes, (2) that she needs to respect our social customs whether she likes them or not for as long as she is here, and (3) that she is free to leave our country if she does not wish to respect our social customs.

And would you consider this a veiled threat?

No.

Norm.

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Author: 10talents Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183274 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 6:59 PM
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I'd probably point out that in her country she would also probably be killed for talking to a male like that!!!


Sorry if she's offended, we are not in her country, we are not in her home.....When in Rome



(okay, I probably wouldn't say anything like that, I would either put my feet down until she left or just ignore her, or maybe ask where she is from )

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Author: JavaRunner Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183275 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 7:15 PM
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I probably would look her straight in the eye and tell her in no uncertain terms (1) that this is not the country from which she comes, (2) that she needs to respect our social customs whether she likes them or not for as long as she is here, and (3) that she is free to leave our country if she does not wish to respect our social customs.
========================================================================

The ugly American lives. Norm, I seriously doubt you would actually say that to the woman. I have no doubt you would tell her that online though.

Charlie

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Author: benjd25 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183277 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 10:15 PM
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What would you do? And would you consider this a veiled threat?

If I was a sophomore in college? Not sure...maybe put my feet down and tell her to relax.

As an adult who doesn't take that kind of gruff? Inform her we aren't in her country, so she can p&$$ off.


And would you consider this a veiled threat?

Maybe. I suppose that would depend on body language and tone.

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Author: 1poorguy Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Recommended Fools Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183278 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/4/2012 10:26 PM
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I'm with Ben mostly.

As a sophomore in college (age 19-20?) I don't know what I would have done. I might have dropped my feet, I might have ignored her, I doubt I would have told her off. If she looked like a professor I would have been more likely to acquiesce.

As a 49-yr old? I'd say "if I were in your country I would apologize profusely, but as I'm in my country I can put my feet up if I like".

Depending on body language I may or may not take it as a threat (if I did I'd stand up and be ready for her...perhaps silently assert that I'm an average-sized American male, and she isn't...).**

1poorguy

**Did that with my step-mother once. She was p-o'd about something and started poking me with her finger, trying to push me back. I was sick of that after so many years. I leaned into her and didn't budge. I think she realized at that moment that I was bigger and stronger, and she never did it again. 1poorlady is the only person who can do that to me and get away with it. :-)

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Author: Beridian Big red star, 1000 posts Top Recommended Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183282 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/5/2012 7:58 AM
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She told him that he was disrespecting her culture, and that in her country he'd be killed for doing that, and demanded that he put his feet down.

I think I would have told her that in my country it is very rude to be openly critical of a stranger for doing something that is completely acceptable within our culture. I would then remind her that her being here was her decision not mine.

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Author: rev2217 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183332 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/8/2012 8:40 PM
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Charlie,

The ugly American lives.

No. When travelling in other countries, I do my best to respect their social customs so as not to give offense.

Norm, I seriously doubt you would actually say that to the woman.

If she singled me out and acted in the rude manner stated in the OP, I most assuredly would. I DO have a backbone, and don't hesitate to use it when people treat me in that way.

Of course, if she were to make a request in a courteous manner rather than a demand, I would respond very differently.

Norm.

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Author: JavaRunner Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183334 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/8/2012 10:46 PM
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Being an ugly American is not only when we visit other countries Norm....

Here is what you wrote:

I probably would look her straight in the eye and tell her in no uncertain terms (1) that this is not the country from which she comes, (2) that she needs to respect our social customs whether she likes them or not for as long as she is here, and (3) that she is free to leave our country if she does not wish to respect our social customs.

There is a way to communicate that without the old you are free to leave our country talk. Perhaps our problems in the world could begin to get better if we would stop being ugly at home or abroad.

Charlie

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Author: lhaselden Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183336 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/9/2012 12:18 AM
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<<
If she singled me out and acted in the rude manner stated in the OP, I most assuredly would. I DO have a backbone, and don't hesitate to use it when people treat me in that way.

Of course, if she were to make a request in a courteous manner rather than a demand, I would respond very differently.

Norm.
<<

My problem was the threat of violence in her comment not the lack of courtesy....

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Author: lovingrose Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 183841 of 196096
Subject: Re: What do you think? Date: 10/26/2012 4:20 PM
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I think that saying it is a killing offense in her country is not the same as threatening to kill him here.

I would apologize for inadvertantly doing something that offended her... but explain that in our culture it is quite common and not intended as an insult to anyone and she shouldn't take it as one. And I'd leave my feet up, unless she was a close friend.
*******************
Ditto.

Additionally, since we have to give up 'our' customs when we go to 'their' countries, they should lighten up when they come here.

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