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Author: CassWoman Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 42341  
Subject: What not to say.... Date: 9/12/2012 1:28 AM
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I'm 15 weeks pregnant with our third and last child, and we've just started sharing the news. (I've had four miscarriages, and I'm 44. We're done!)

Soooooo, I shared our news with someone, and the response I got was "Oh, my God!" as if I was having a litter of children, or as if three was just too many. Fortunately, I know this woman well, and she's the classic spinster- too many many animals, hoarded house, etc., so I did not take it personally.

But of all the ways to respond to a pregnant woman, this is not one of the appropriate ones!

I'm also amused at how inquisitive people are about how I got pregnant. I have never had any interest in doing fertility treatments, and was willing to remain childless if I couldn't have children the usual way. (I applaud those who do fertility treatments, I just wasn't up for doing them myself.) Yes, given my age, it's rare. Yes, I'm very blessed AND I'm practically a medical freak of nature to get pregnant naturally at my practically geriatric maternal age. And I'm perfectly willing to share this with just about anyone, but I'm amused at how nosy people are to ask a perfect stranger these things! Again, not really appropriate!

Cassandra
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Author: DizChick Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 41895 of 42341
Subject: Re: What not to say.... Date: 9/12/2012 5:45 AM
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Congratulations!

I am convinced there is a bubble around pregnant women. When people are within that bubble, they lose their common sense and filter and say just about anything. Friends, family, strangers, it seems to impact them all.

DizChick

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Author: tconi Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 41896 of 42341
Subject: Re: What not to say.... Date: 9/12/2012 7:29 AM
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whew- for a minute, i thought that was me...

My standard response is how are you doing with that?

because congratulations may not always be in order. I know a couple women who thought they were done/had not planned on any and they were still processing.


peace & responses
t

(once said are you effing kidding? to someone with a 3 month old who told me twins were on the way)

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Author: synchronicityII Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 41897 of 42341
Subject: Re: What not to say.... Date: 9/12/2012 7:59 AM
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A) Congrats!!!
2) It ain't THAT rare....

-synchronicity

(the thing about three is that you can't play man-to-man anymore, you gotta go zone)

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Author: pachouly Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 41898 of 42341
Subject: Re: What not to say.... Date: 9/12/2012 9:53 AM
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Congrats, Cass, and good luck! 3 on 2 is sure a different ball game, but you will master it, I'm sure!

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Author: impolite Big gold star, 5000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 41901 of 42341
Subject: Re: What not to say.... Date: 9/12/2012 10:13 AM
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Congrats!!!!!

the thing about three is that you can't play man-to-man anymore, you gotta go zone

Gospel truth, that.

impolite

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Author: CassWoman Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 41902 of 42341
Subject: Re: What not to say.... Date: 9/12/2012 11:09 AM
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Tconi,

We're doing really well with it, actually! We've always said we would have two or three, and we are blessed to be ble to have a third.

I had an ultrasound yesterday and saw the heartbeat, saw the baby move, and all the correct arms, limbs, head were there, so that is good. :)

Cassandra

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Author: stevenjklein Big funky green star, 20000 posts Feste Award Nominee! Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 41940 of 42341
Subject: Re: What not to say.... Date: 9/27/2012 3:17 PM
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. (I've had four miscarriages, and I'm 44. We're done!)

Soooooo, I shared our news with someone,…


After our first successful pregnancy, followed by 2 miscarriages (including 1 at 19 weeks), we decided not to tell anyone. (Of course eventually it becomes obvious, but before that point, the only one I told was my father, and he was literally on his deathbed at the time.)

It turns out we had triplets a month before my wife's 42nd birthday. Nobody said anything terribly inappropriate, but some people did ask how they were conceived. My standard answer was to look shocked and say (in an shocked tone), "I beg your pardon!"

The polite folks would take the hint, and apologize for asking. For the others, I would simply explain that I considered the question to be poor manners. And if they still persisted, I simply walked away.

I learned the "I beg your pardon!" trick from miss manners, who has written that the best way to respond to offensive questions or statements is to act offended, but in a way that allows an unintentional offender to apologize.

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