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What the HELL is wrong with women? I mean, is the Y chromosome the only one with the "rational" gene on it?

My wife just spent the last 20 minutes carping at me... and I don't know why! Apparently being the only person bringing in money, providing the insurance, doing the dishes, taking out the garbage, doing the laundry, letting her buy whatever she wants, letting her sleep extra today while I watched our 2-year old son... all of that is negated because I'm now online and watching playoff hockey. Despite NEVER hitting her I'm the worst husband EVER.

Then she asked what I had to say about it. Huh? You mean this is REAL?!? Holy crap! Maybe she has me confused with the husband on one of those Lifetime made for TV movies or something!

So, I'm in the doghouse. I'm a terrible, terrible person. I apparently have to improve or else. I have to admit that I do fall a bit short of perfect... but is that REALLY the standard I should be held up to? I mean, REALLY?

Hmmm... I hope that fold-out couch still has a sheet on it, or else it is going to be a LONG night!

What I know about women, you could fit into a g-string, but here goes.

Women don't see the world in really long periods of time. They see things in the now. Also, they seem to WANT to see it you'll give up things for them.

Here's my story.

I had a four day weekend. I took Monday and Tuesday off. Usually, we go shopping on Saturday, because I want Sunday free.

Saturday morning, she wants to go shopping. I tell her that there is a Laker playoff game later on, and we can go shopping on any of the next three days.

Doesn't matter.

I've been married long enough to have scheduled our time to leave early enough on Saturday to be able to do the shopping and get back home before the game starts.

EVERYTHING TOOK FOREVER. Her getting ready, our time in each store (record breakers, all), how long it took to put her seatbelt on!

I kid you not, she was doing this on purpose. But I knew, as do you, that the only thing to do is to support this stalling, and even contribute to it! I, also, took longer to do everything I did, and drove slower, and all of that.


Because I knew that if I EVER said something like "Hey, honey, the game will start in 45 minutes. Can we just skip the stop at Walgreens? We can go there in any of the next three days", I would still be paying for it.

I have decided that women want to know what you would sacrifice for them. Are they more important to you than a game on TV, or a session of Mario Brothers?

Well, of course they are.

What they may not recognize is the reverse. If my wife were kidnapped and needed me to rush in, guns blazing, to save her, I would NOT be playing a video game, or watching a playoff game! I would be rushing in with guns blazing.

But they seem to need to invent reasons to take us away from things that we perceive to be important just to see if we are willing to go there.

It may be a representation of their insecurity, which I can understand. Probably not all women do this, after all. Maybe it's our fault because we have shown them that playoff games bring out more passion in us than they do lately? Who knows?

It's like the movie cliché where the man gets a call from work that he really needs to answer, but chucks the cell phone into the river and kisses the girl. For cryin' out loud! If someone calls me from work, I need to get that-- sorry! What they don't show in those movies is when the guy goes back to work, and finds out that, had he answered the phone, he could have saved the company a million bucks or something.

Now, he has to LIE and say that he didn't get the call- that he was in a tunnel or something.

Because if he tells his employer that he chucked the phone into the lake for romantic reasons, his credibility comes into question, and he is lucky to keep his job. But he will certainly never again be promoted!

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