when do we cut out the PERSONAL holier-than-thou attacks...

sasha,

I mean this in the nicest possible way....

You're a frakkin' train wreck.

Nobody is playing "holier-than-thou". You are on an ethics board trying to defend behavior that is completely unethical.

Doing the right thing is hard. That's why so many people don't do it.

Heck, I don't always do the right thing. As I get older, I find it easier to do the right thing rather than the expedient thing, but still it's hard.

So, I completely understand that it is difficult to figure out how to proceed with regards to your ..... not-quite-partner. If I found someone who was the love of my life and I cared for deeply but they were married and in a relationship I believed to be quasi-open, I would have a difficult time deciding what to do as well. My personal values do not allow for me to be in a non-monogamous relationship, but if i were inclined to poly or open relationships, I might just continue the "relationship".

But even if I did....I would not be so naive as to think that the relationship was ethical, unless and until I knew from the wife (NOT the husband) that there was no problem. If that occurred, then I would not LOVE the situation, but I could be at peace with it.

And that, my friend, is what all the people who you are calling "holier-than-thou" are trying to tell you.

d