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Author: it409 Big gold star, 5000 posts Top Recommended Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 165982  
Subject: Work of Steven Wright Date: 1/23/2014 6:50 PM
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A different way of

looking at things.

Steven Wright, famous erudite scientist and humorist

who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of

my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact

duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us

do. Here are some of his gems:



1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3- Half the people you know are below average.

4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5- 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel
so good.

7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8- If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, But she left me before
we met.

12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.

15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the
wrong lane.

17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to
be lazy.

18- Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off
now.

19- I intend to live forever. So far, so
good.

20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
friends?

21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.

22- What happens if you get scared half to death
twice?

23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your
brakes, so I made your horn louder.

24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence
that you tried.

26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of
thinking.

27- Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.

28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness
of the bread.

29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal
from many is research.

30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no
lifeguard.

31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have
to catch up.

32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is
required to be on it.

33- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't
have film.

34- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you.

35- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would
your headlights work?

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from
those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."
-- Thomas Jefferson

"It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as
it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half
the wars of the world."
-- Thomas Jefferso

"The more people I meet....
the more I like my dog. "
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