You guys are in the mother of all power struggles. She wants to spend (rather extravagantly, even given your income), and you want to save/pay off debt. She equates the money you lavish on her with love. Until you guys work out the power differential and what a loving relationship looks like for both of you, you're not going to be able to solve the issue of spend/save. I agree that there is a power struggle going on here. Part of the problem has been that I've been in a disproportionately powerful position for a while since my income and income potential has historically been so much higher than hers. While there is still a big discrepency between our incomes, her outlook is now much better since she changed professions post MBA.A couples therapist isn't supposed to take sides. If the therapist has lost his/her sense of objectivity, they need to be called out on that. I agree that we need to switch counselors, but I'll give it one more try
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