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Subtitled: How I Spent My Saturday Morning.

You have to understand. I'm the sort of person who measures 3 times and cuts wrong twice. I'm the kind of person who, in a spirit of "What have I got to loose?" installs a shelf in the hall closet, carefully using a 2x4 as a straight edge (it wasn't as straight as I thought. My WII Veteran father had to redo the shelf so that it was level).

I'm the kind of person who, when painting a room, gets as much paint on me as on the wall (and the floor, but I'll deny that was me!!).

Well, we have a chair that my older brother gave me. DB is fascinated by antique furniture, knows his stuff and believes this to be a good, rather old chair. It has nice lines, but the fabric, which was once cream, has gotten more than a little dingy.

Now, anyone can see it's not the original seat for the chair. I'd say it was late 70s or early 80s fabric. We had bought some nice blue and white print fabric, and this morning, as I am home alone, I decided I'd re-upholster the chair.

I go to take the seat off. Only ti find that it does not come off. No screws I can see. No nails either. Hmmm...

Well, think I, if I take the cover that is currently on aforementioned chair, I can use it as a template for the new cover. I look at the bottom of the chair. I have never ever in my life seen so many decorative nails. They are touching one another. This is a small chair, say desk chair size. And they must have used 200 nails to tack the fabric down. Sheesh. Ah well, in for a penny in for a pound.

The nails won't come off. They are in there good and tight. Can't get a hammer under them. Can't get a screw driver under them.

I run my finger over them and think a bit. Okay. I can take the fabric, attach it to the bottom of the seat with the staple gun. Pull it up and over the nails, across the seat and so on.

I get out the tape measure I use for knitting (one of the things I actually can do fairly well) and calculate the yardage. I cut the fabric and go to use it.

Remember I said I can't seem to measure right? Need I say more.

I put the much too small bit of fabric to one side and take the rest, flinging it over the seat. I'd rather start out too large. I attach the fabric in the middle of all sides and sit back, thinking. A dangerous pastime.

The seat fits into a cradle of the arms and back. I'll somehow have to work the fabric around them, keeping everything good and tight. Squared off pleats at the corners of the front may work, perhaps I can simply cut a notch and fold the fabric around the arms and the seat back.

I get out my trusty needlework scissors and have at it.

Did I mention I'm not really good at measuring? And you don't want to see me with a staple gun. I ended up cutting teeny tiny strips and snips of fabric at each problem area until I had something approximating a good fit.

Feeling pardonably pleased with myself I sat back and took a good long look at what I had done.

It looks great. If you have 2 glass eyes.

Okay. The seat is nice and taught. But those places around the arms and back? Pretty shabby looking. And not too well cut. I wanted to cry. Oh, and I had emptied the staple gun into the bottom twice. I couldn't very well take it off and try again. And besides, there is no way there is enough fabric left to start over.

I went to the kitchen for some water, came back and learned that at least I had earned the Good Mousekeeping seal of approval. My cat was dozing on it.


I realized that the chair's fabric had a vaguely nautical flavor. If I got some silk rope, and hot glued it around the border, well, it would look better.

Now, hot glue and I do not have a happy history. I tend to burn my hands and get more glue on me than on the project. But hey, I was desperate....

I went to the local Joanne's found some cording, stopped at the grocery store for some milk and headed for home. Where I wasted 40 minutes looking for the glue gun. I finally found that and couldn't find the cording. I was almost in tears, and decided another glass of water was in order.

Back to the kitchen I go, to get some ice. Can someone explain to me why I put the cord in the fridge with the milk?

I slowly, carefully, fed in a stick of glue and went to work, cursing a bit when the thing burned my hands or when long filaments of glue floated about...but finally the cord is in pace. And it actually looks good. Even if you don't have 2 glass eyes. All the weird bits and pieces are hidden. Of course, it will take 2 years to get the glue off my hands, but still....

Does anyone have some burn cream they are not using??

not all that handy, it seems.
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Can someone explain to me why I put the cord in the fridge with the milk?
That is SO me.

Great story. Any crafter/sewer will see a little bit of herself in your tale!! Personally, glue guns and I don't get along well, either. That glue really burns when it hits skin, doesn't it??

Your experience with the chair seat is Reason Number One why I never, ever tackle reupholstry. I leave it to the experts, of which I am definitely not one!

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