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No. of Recommendations: 5

<<<... why does it bother you so much?>>>

FWIW, I'm avoiding making any value judgments."

I believe that I have been very respectful of OP, have asked may open ended questions, and am well aware that this is a public board that most people do not necessarily want to air all personal details

"The fact is, it does bother him."

It does. But I think understanding why it bothers him might aid in devising a solution with which he is comfortable. The unexamined life and living and why.

"And it's his estate to leave to whomever he chooses."

I do not disagree and have acknowledged that several times.

"Notice in the subject heading the use of the word "angst". So, to be fair to him, it does bother him."


"In fact, it bothers him in TWO ways. First, enabling what he considers irresponsible behavior. And, second, unequal disbursement because he still loves his son despite everything that has happened (or at least, it sounds like that is the case)."

Or perhaps more ways than that. I believe the angst will continue until he understands why it bothers him.

"Plus we don't know why he was in prison. Drug use? Assault? Murder? We have no idea (and it's none of our business). If it were me, the reason for the imprisonment would affect my attitude. If he was in for rape? I wouldn't leave him a dime (for example)."

Agreed, generally, but he did write "[t]hen he got in trouble with the law for reasons that are too embarrassing to talk about, but not murder or anything like that, . . . ." so I assume it is not rape for that would likely be more than mere embarrassment.

"I don't think there is a right/wrong answer."


"It's just right or wrong for him, and it seems both options are right AND wrong, hence the "angst"."

Which leads back to my questions. If he really understood why he was so "angsty" it would probably be easier for him to resolve with inner peace with his decision, whatever it might be.

"I'm just being a sounding board. Giving options. Not trying to make value judgments for him because I think his values are different than mine."

I do not believe that I have been doing anything different. My questions were all directed to lead to self-reflection and to make him think why and the potential consequences of his different options.

Regards, JAFO
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