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Meanwhile, the authorities have arrived at some preliminary conclusions. Drawing on years of expertise – backed by two centuries of scientific progress and the collective wisdom of a regulatory agency with a $150-million budget – the Virginia Department of Environmental Quality's Milton Johnston feels confident in declaring: "We can't have pieces of chicken falling out of the sky."

So what are our elected officials doing about falling chicken parts and other WRMDs (Weapons of Rapid Mammallian Descent)? Apparently nothing. The website of the Virginia Department of Emergency Management contains no advice on how to prepare for such eventualities. The federal Department of Homeland Security has nothing, either. Gov. Bob McDonnell has not assembled a task force, and apparently will not. In fact, McDonnell spokesman J. Tucker Martin laughs the whole thing off: "We're looking into every animal issue facing the Commonwealth,” he says, “including unverified reports of a rollerblading alpaca in the greater Lynchburg area." Very funny, sir.

This insouciance seems ill-advised, when you reflect that Virginia's Eastern Shore, where the chicken attack took place, is home to the Wallops Island Spaceport – a crucial piece of the nation's transportation infrastructure.

I blame Republicans -- for making cuts in the Falling Animal Defense Program.

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