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Subject:  helping out family Date:  9/13/2000  3:01 PM
Author:  gurupa Number:  44172 of 312297

Ok, been a member of this community for a couple of years and I need some advice. This is posted on both the Credit card board and the LBYM board. I am posting here because I think this is the best place on the web to get peer input on a situation like this.

I have a sister that got married about three years ago, has a two year old and is due to have another baby in a couple weeks. She is about 40. She married a divorcee who had previously filed for bankruptcy. I did not know about the bankruptcy thing before they were married.

Anyhow, my sister confided in me this month that they basically are going bankrupt. She had mixed their assets in the belief of wedded togetherness, he had changed and everything would be all right, yadda, yadda, yadda. But, basically they have spent their way into oblivion. Actually my brother-in-law has spent them into oblivion. My sister wants to get financial counseling and my BIL doesn't, says he has learned his lesson and won't make the same mistake again. Well, he is basically a good guy, but he needs to change. The finance issue has their relationship on the rocks, but not over by any means. My sister being 38 weeks pregnant does not make things any easier. I want ot see them stay together and work through the issues.

Very frustrating for my sister since when she was single she basically went to the edge of bankruptcy and then backed away from it and saved money to buy a very nice home and car, etc and was debt free except for a mortgage.

I live in a different country then my sister's family. Here are my thoughts and I need input to either loosen it up or be more stringent or possibly take a completely different tack. I would give them an unsecured loan (probably $5k or $10k) if they do the following:

1) Separate the assets. This is basically so my BIL can prove he is good to his word.
2) Get financial counseling. Make a genuine and consistent effort to work through the problems.
3) Send me a proposed budget, with income sources and all expenses.
4) Commit to regularly read the LBYM board, the Consumer Credit/ Credit Card board,
5) Commit to reading everything I send them on finances.

Like I said, I want to help them, I just need to sort out my thinking and emotions also. So, I am open to input.

Thanks in advance,


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