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Personal Finances / Living Below Your Means


Subject:  Re: Everyone has money - until someone needs it. Date:  6/3/2001  12:58 PM
Author:  2gifts Number:  150473 of 910563

I don't really see where that excuses them from being part of the family, with all of the requisite responsibilities and requirements.

You've hit my hot button here. Just because you are related to someone and are part of the family does not entitle them to what you have worked for, saved, and planned for simply because they didn't do any of the above. For instance, someone who spends every penny and then needs money in an emergency shouldn't just be given it because they are part of the family. Perhaps they should have considered that they might, in fact, have some type of emergency some day and put something aside even if it's not enough to cover the emergency. In that case, I'd be much more likely to help since they had at least put an effort into being prepared.

And if you think that being related by blood automatically entitles folks to a helping hand when they want it and when they might need it, then I would argue that means they also need to treat these relatives as family.

I can give you too many examples, unfortunately, from DH's life, but let's just say that we have a hard time all of sudden being considered family when it is time for money for one of them when they didn't bother to consider him family when he was growing up [parents couldn't agree which of them should have him so they put him in foster care while they kept the other 4 kids split between them] nor did they consider him family when he was laid off and I delivered the twins 3 weeks later. In fact, during that time when my kids were in the hospital for what seemed like an eternity, they never bothered if we needed anything, had enough money, or even called to see how the babies were doing! Considering one child was in the hospital for 10 weeks and the other for 28 weeks and almost didn't come home at all,I would consider at least a phone call to see how we're doing part of them treating us as family.

Then there's the sister we hear from every 10 years or so. We don't always get the change of address notification, so we can't always locate her. But she manages to call us every 10 years or so when she needs money. This last time,she needed a little to tide her over til her next student loan came through, but the real problem was that she spent the insurance money from the car on something other than the car, so had to spend her loan money to fix the car. I consider this much more a case of poor planning than a case of just not having the money.

In fact, we have been much more willing to loan and give money to friends as they have stood by us and provided the moral support when we've needed it, so when they've needed something, it has been easy to do without even thinking about it.

I'm just thankful that my family fits more the model I think you were thinking about, but you should remember not all families work that way.
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