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Personal Finances / Living Below Your Means


Subject:  Re: Everyone has money - until someone needs it. Date:  6/3/2001  2:59 PM
Author:  pekinrobin Number:  150498 of 910563

<I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you. As for my sister and brothers, we have an unwritten mutual aid pact. If anyone needs help, we all do what we can to help out. I guess for us it isn't about money it is about family. >

Except that, obviously, the whole point of the original post was that you're out $1500 and the rest of the family isn't putting out anything. If you're for the family, and they're just out for themselves, guess what, you lose. For me, I've learned that love is action, not just words. There has to be give and take. If the giving is one-sided, it isn't love, it's just the giver kidding herself and the taker exploiting the giver's lack of perception into the reality of the situation. My life has improved so much since I decided to stop trying to save the world by enabling other people's lack of planning and responsibility. Also, I learned that I was cheating the person I "helped" by not giving them the opportunity to stand on their own feet.

As for the person with the retarded brother, to a certain extent, I understand your argument, but it also depends on the situation. There are some high-functioning retarded folks who do live their own lives instead of using their families. My mother has worked with retarded couples who have been able to hold jobs and buy their own homes. They do receive some special training, assistance, programs, etc. but after all this is part of what we pay taxes for -- to see that folks get a fair shake. My brother-in-law's retarded brother has traveled all over Australia on the dole, instead of just mooching off his well-to-do family. I realize not every handicapped person can do this. But I also realize that, in the past, I was giving too much and cheating folks of their own chances. By making a firm decision not to loan money, I have not only improved my life but other lives around me. Maybe this wouldn't work for everyone but I honestly believe it works a lot more often than loaning money does.

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