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Subject:  Help me if you hate Columbia House Date:  2/1/2002  12:36 AM
Author:  Poohkiller Number:  145196 of 173416


This was submitted by me to the Columbia House DVD club website, and I am now posting it as an open letter to appeal for your help. Thanx!



AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
I have been SUCKERED into this club again! "Suckered?", you ask. YES! SUCKERED! The reason that your company is hated by millions is for, oh, I'm sorry, you already know what I'm going to say, I'm going to rant about the way you send those stupid selections every month! Everyone HATES that. I even called the 800 New Membership ( Service could never be an 800 # could it?) and before I even enrolled, I asked the young man if this was like the CD club where they sent you a selection every month if you forgot to return the card! HE LIED TO ME!!!! He said very reassuringly, "Oh, no, the DVD club is TOTALLY different, they don't send you any selections in the mail unless you ORDER them. Allright, rant over. I should have known better, I should have gotten his name and extension. Fooled me once. Now on to the body of my issues.
First, I'm in the club, fine. No 800 # for service, so I won't call and spend 1/2 an hour yelling at some poor underpaid manager. Now here's what you are going to do for me. First, you are going to send me an apology letter (or e-mail) saying how sorry you are that I was given misinformation. Secondly, you will not make me write a letter and waste a stamp and my time. You will copy this e-mail, paste it into your e-mail system, and then you will forward this official request to the correct department (probably one blind person) who removes your trapped suckers from all of the lists and people you have sold my name and information too. This should include all your neighborly porn dealers, scam artists, affiliated companies, sweepstakes, special offers, and anything else that will generate one more MICRON of paper to be delivered into my mailbox.
You will not, I repeat, NOT! Send me any e-mail explaining how this isn't possible. If we can put men on the moon, you can get your butt over to the department where this vodoo ritual is performed!
Next, in your e-mail, I demand your company script, condescendingly smarmy reply to my following questions:
Why do you intentionally(yes it is), make it so hard for your customers who want to, to remove their PERSONAL names, mailing addresses and info from your system?
Do you think that those of us who go to these lengths are that stupid? Do you think we will forget, and smile while running open-armed to greet the ton of JUNK mail that we know you are the cause of? Do you think we don't remember this after we have fulfilled our obligations and quit our membership forever?
Second question, Why can't you splurge for an 800 SERVICE #? It is a running joke with my friends how you must have used telegraphs well into the 1980's, because until then you didn't have ANY phone # for service PERIOD! So ya know what I'm going to do, Call your 800 SALES # and then make them transfer me.
Third and final question, why can't you give people some way to opt out of that annoying selection of the month club? How much money could you save on returned shipping costs? What about customer goodwill? How about the infuriated people who open that stupid selection on accident and have to go through the HELL of trying to return it, all the while secretly vowing that once they fulfill their obligation, they will never come back? How much money do you have to spend in promoting COME ON BACK, WE MISS YOU campaigns, before you realize that the customers didn't leave, you drove them away.
In closing I will say that I sincerely hope that you change your policies of OPEN HOSTILITY toward your customers. If you made these changes, all my friends would be customers, and I would be your best free advertisement.
Now, I am going to post this as an open letter on several forums urging people to call you at 1-800-457-0500, and ask to be transferred to customer service where they will want to register a complaint about the above topics. I sincerely hope that you hear us. We will be voting with our dollars, but only if you don't listen to our voices.
Sincerely yours,

Poohkiller@yahoo.com


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