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Subject:  Dating Advice Date:  8/2/2004  11:56 PM
Author:  ellaluna Number:  111 of 274

Yesterday, I posted this question about dating a widowed man on the Single Fools board:

I got some interesting responses but I think I need another perspective.

Here's a summary:

About a month ago I met a 42-year-old man (I'm 31) within the context of a social club. We hit it off right away, and he told me that his wife died three months ago after a long battle with cancer and that he isn't dating yet. We have become friends over the last month and have started hanging out with other people in the club.

Last week, after a party at my home, we ended up kissing. A lot of really lovely kissing. Then he told me that as much as he wanted to stay, his head was still pretty messed up and he couldn't. I told him that I understood, that he would always love his wife and it's ok that he's not ready yet, and that I want to be his friend, that my life is good, and that I'm not in a big hurry to get into a relationship. He told me that I am an amazing lady (as my heart melted) and that he's glad he knows me.

I'm crazy about him, but I mean it when I say that I'm not in a hurry. I know he needs time to grieve, and I know that only he will know when he is ready to date.

My big question is, what do I do in the meantime? I care about him a great deal and would like to be as supportive and understanding as I can be, but I want to make sure he doesn't feel pressured. I also want him to feel comfortable to talk about his wife and his grief if he wants to.

At the same time, I don't want MY heart to be broken, because I do really like him, more than I've liked anyone I've met in years. I don't want to be his rebound girl but I am very attracted to him and would be ready to enter, however tentatively, into a more intimate relationship with him when or if he's ready.

I hope this is an appropriate forum for this question, and that I haven't hurt or offended anyone. Thanks.

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