The Motley Fool Discussion Boards

Previous Page

Living, Coping, Improving / Fools Against Depression

URL:  https://boards.fool.com/major-breakthrough-22576961.aspx

Subject:  Major breakthrough Date:  6/4/2005  9:14 PM
Author:  Smurfette823 Number:  11708 of 15022

I think I just had a major breakthrough. My biggest issue - one that always ends up affecting my mood and causing me to beat up on myself - is that I let people take advantage of me. In the past, my friends have been extraordinarily flakey or down right inconsiderate, and frequently both, and I let them get away with it. "Oh, no problem. Whatever you need to do." I would say. It's no big deal that I arranged my whole weekend around your plans, or took off a day from work to help you do something, or however it was I bent over backwards to help someone. I let them do whatever they wanted in the name of friendship, and eventually whatever they wanted ended up being a friend they could walk all over.

I have gotten better. I gradually lost touch with my existing circle of friends - all within the same few months. It almost happened without my noticing it. It was a drifting apart when neither party would pick up the phone quite as often as before. One friend would appear when another was busy so I didn't notice the gap. Then one day, I realized I hadn't heard from any of them in 6 months or more. Where had they gone? I was not devestated like I could have been. This was my first clue that it was not an accident. The more I thought back about the recent encounters with each of my friends the more I understood how by finally owning my own power and growing and changing, I out grew my friends. They were content to muddle through, or in reality, continue down their spiral of self defeating behavior. Where as I, on the other hand, I started to go the other direction. We suddenly didn't have so much in common. Anyway, so I'd withered down my list to one good solid friendship, and family.

This one friend is the kind of person who can't keep track of time, is always late, forgets to check his phone for messages. It seems to be more prevelant in guys than gals, but you know what behavior I'm talking about. It's innocent, but appears quite differently when you're on the receiving end of countless moments when you can't get a hold of them or they keep you waiting. It's aggravating. Today this friend left me waiting for 6 hours. SIX HOURS. I left my evening open so that we could celebrate his dad's birthday. My fault! He said he would call when he figured out what his family was doing and let me know. I should have known better!

When I finally hear from him, I get a text message, not a phone call mind you, but a $@!* text message that he's been running around all day, had lunch with my sister's best friend and cleaned out his mom's basement. He had time for all this, but not time for a 2 minute phone call to let me know what was going on?!? Normally, I would let it go. It's not worth getting upset over because I can't change him and I know this. He just doesn't think about things the same way I do. It's that simple. I can't fault him for that - he is who he is, and I love him anyway.

Well for some reason, this time, I was livid. And not just a little upset, I mean foot stomping, spitting, red face, stuttering livid mad. It takes a lot to get me that upset. So I let him have it. No it's not always best to give in to anger, but it's healthy to pretend it doesn't exist either. We argued for awhile, then we reduced it to heated discussion, then simply talking. We both apologized.

Here's my breakthough. I said point blank, "I might not have any right to say this, but this time, you're going to have to make it up to me."

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE IT UP TO ME.

I can't believe I said that. I couldn't belive it at the time. Ms. Smurfette, say whatever you like cuz it's okay and I'll love you anyway, said "I accept your apology but that's not enough."

Here's to setting boundaries!!!!!!

Smurfette
Copyright 1996-2021 trademark and the "Fool" logo is a trademark of The Motley Fool, Inc. Contact Us