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Subject:  Re: Reconciling Different Money Priorities Date:  8/14/2008  8:49 PM
Author:  llambe Number:  276961 of 312293

This thread has been very interesting to read through and I can certainly see the points that many have made. However, I would like to propose an alternate hypothesis.

It sounds to me as though OP and his SO have been spending a lot of money on a new house and it's furnishings (100k+ for furnishings is the number I remember). This does not sound like fiscally careful spending and I find it hard to believe that his SO's other spending was fiscally responsible during that time. During this process, OP became uncomfortable with the skyrocketing CC bills and "came to his senses". His wife has not. She wishes to continue spending as she has been spending. He wishes her to see his new point of view. Speaking as someone who has "come to their senses" I think it can appear to others in the household as if someone has found a new diet that worked for them i.e. the "converted" start "preaching".

In fact, if massive cutbacks have been recent, I don't believe that $2k is an unreasonable number. In spite of insinuations of way overspending on clothes and fashion accessories by OP, $2k/mo will not buy you very many $9k Manualo (or whoever) purses/shoes.

Instead it sounds to me as if his SO is trying to make cuts, she just hasn't made it as far as OP in mindset. Telling her she's just wasting her money on frivolous stuff and no one should need that much money, sounds to me like it would lead to just what apparently it did - major fights. So they got (very) angry and slung muck at each other. None of this IMO means time to get divorced or she's slime. In fact, if she's already made big cuts - and yes, cutting back from, say $4k a month spending (or more) to $2k a month spending IS making major cuts, I'd say she has a case to feel put upon.

After all if OP were like SoccerDad when he first came to the board it would be a different story but it doesn't sound like they are close to the edge. Instead it sounds like OP feels he has the CC bills AND retirement covered in a reasonable time frame EVEN IF she gets her $2k/mo. For someone who hasn't had that "come to Jesus" moment, it's asking a lot that they cut back so strongly when it seems like everything is covered.

My best suggestion is to step away from this bottom level nitpicking about who gets to spend how much on what and do what other posters have suggested. Look together at the big picture of your lives and your future. Look at your and her goals. Find common ground. Move to bigger and bigger picture until you CAN find common ground. Then move downwards.

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