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Subject:  Re: Wedding Question Date:  9/25/2009  1:11 PM
Author:  DrBooa Number:  22909 of 40282

A part of me wants to tell him #1 the day before I am leaving and #2 when I get back, but I'm not sure that's really the nice thing to do.

Eff nice. I wouldn't put it past DN to try to ruin what he thinks is just a trip to Vegas--I think he'd pull out all the stops if he knew you were getting married. I think telling him #1 the day before you're leaving is perfect, and telling him #2 the day you get back is absolutely the *earliest* you ought to consider telling him.

I mean, does it affect his life in any way? Does it change the amount of child support he (sometimes) pays? He doesn't pay alimony, right? You're not his wife anymore, and outside of child-related stuff, your lives should be as separate as possible. Telling him at all is courtesy enough, in my opinion. Don't do it before the trip, and tell him after if you feel it's necessary (it'd get back to him through other channels, or the kids would tell him).

And no, I don't consider not telling him you're getting married "hiding stuff from him." It's not his business anymore. I mean, some people might think of telling him as gloating--there's lots of ways to look at it. I can see why you'd want to tell him, it's polite and all, but I wouldn't tell him until after the fact.

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