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Subject:  Re: Spouses Who Quit Working Date:  8/4/2010  11:36 AM
Author:  doubloon1214 Number:  298804 of 312858

My situation is way more than DH just "taking a break" from work. He's not taking a break - he's quit, he's done. I'm angry about that!! I know I've been an enabler with the alcohol and I'm not doing it anymore. He doesn't want to quit drinking or smoking and he's not going to. As we all know, we can't force someone to quit something until they're ready. Fortunately, he doesn't go anywhere so there is no issue with DUI''s. If, on the small chance he HAS to go somewhere, he does it in the morning when he's not been drinking. The drinking starts in the afternoon.

I told DH just this morning if he wants to continue those two vices then he will have to take the money out of his account (he has a small amount left in a separate checking acct) to pay for his habits himself. I also told him I don't want to hear anymore "slurs" and screaming profanity about my deceased mother on a daily basis. She's been gone almost a year and yet this continues. Horrible, disrespectful, and every other adjective one could think of to describe his behavior.

Someone asked where DH would go if I kick him out or if he leaves on his own. Who knows?? This is a big part of my problem. He has no friends and has alienated his entire family. How can I ask him to just leave with nowhere to go? What kind of person does that make me? So, I continue to just go from day to day hoping and praying that something will change.

Like it's been said…there's a whole lot more going on here than just finances. That is a huge part of it, but not the real issue. I was in therapy for quite a while trying to figure out what the issue is, until I could no longer afford to go.

Prior to 2005, DH worked (albeit with some relationship problems on various jobs) without any hiccups. Most of our married life, however, I earned more than he so we were always struggling somewhat. What burns me the most is during the last several years before he quit, he was earning more than he ever had and it far surpassed my salary. He is/was a roadway designer.

Sad…thanks for listening!
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