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URL:  https://boards.fool.com/jokes-for-men-30561571.aspx

Subject:  Jokes for men Date:  2/25/2013  7:02 PM
Author:  it409 Number:  158522 of 183941

I Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!





The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.





I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.





After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!

"



I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.





Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.





The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"





My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"





I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
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