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URL:  https://boards.fool.com/i-have-been-gone-awhile-and-have-racked-up-a-ton-31336194.aspx

Subject:  Re: What is the best way? Date:  7/21/2014  8:24 PM
Author:  aj485 Number:  308394 of 312992

I have been gone awhile and have racked up a ton of debt.
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Got married, had 3 kids. One child cost a royal fortune due to severe prematurity and all the bills associated even after insurance paid.
That post brought back memories...
I used to keep a ledger, something I just bought a pretty purple one yesterday to start it all over again. I need to get back to where I was before but it has been hard as there is nothing ever left over each month. Seems like I borrow from the next month each month so I have to get started somehow.
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I have to do this alone. Everytime he gets anything above and beyond he has spent it before it hits his account. Thankfully we have separate accounts so this is my debt and I will own all of it.


Okay, I'm not understanding why 'racking up debt' because of getting married (which takes 2 people) and having 3 kids (together, presumably) makes it all your debt. There has to be more to the story, that you may (or may not) be willing to share.

That said, you can't out-earn a spender. You have nearly $90k in debt. How much does he have? How much of 'your' debt was really for stuff that you paid for because he had already spent 'his' money and wanted you to pay, 'just until he got his next check'?

It appears to me from what you have shared that you have a relationship problem as much as a spending problem, and until you fix your relationship problem, it's probably not much use trying to fix the spending problem.

Before taking any money out of your retirement I would strongly suggest that you need counseling on both your debt and your relationship.

Find a debt counselor using www.nfcc.org - they have accredited debt counselors who will help you figure out how to pay off the debt without withdrawing from your retirement, or if it's not possible to do so, they can guide you on how to declare bankruptcy.

If he's not willing to go to relationship counseling with you, you still need counseling on your own so that you can figure out how you got into this behavior, and more importantly, how to prevent yourself from falling back into the same behavior when/if you do get your debt paid off.

Only after you get both types of counseling should you even think of the possibility of taking money out of your retirement account - and I would strongly discourage it even then. If you take money out of your retirement account without changing your behaviors, you are just setting yourself to end up getting in debt again, only this time, you will have $50k less in retirement funds to use.

AJ
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