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Subject:  Re: I’m sorry I missed your news, Imp Date:  4/26/2019  5:38 PM
Author:  impolite Number:  40136 of 40295

A small update.

We've gotten my mother added to the accounts we needed changes on; I had to pull on the reins a bit after that because she had hit critical mass and just wasn't able to do anything more at the time. I just cannot do some of these things for her (and some of the things I could do, I'm not doing out of either principle or my own lack of time), so they will wait.

2018 taxes are done. I had to remind her to take them somewhere (I determined I didn't have the time, energy or inclination), but they got done and in time.

Medical bills still vex us; some she still inexplicably pays when they come in without me seeing them, including one that should have flagged as incorrect just because of the amount alone. I'm fighting for a refund on it, and make it clear that EVERY SINGLE ONE needs to come to me. I don't care if it's $15, it comes to me for verification that it was coded and paid appropriately.

They travel out of state to Mayo in May; she's taking one of her sisters with her for the trip. Unfortunately I had to make it clear in a pretty blunt manner that I was not going to be able to take a three to xx? day trip with her to help this time - I'm still very behind at work, and I'm also effing exhausted. So then she contacted my aunt, and a plan was hatched for her to go with them. I'm still handling the logistics of the trip (directions, hotel reservations, etc.), but a trusted adult will be with her to help, listen, and advise, so that's nice.

The most likely diagnosis is looking like Lewy Body Dementia which is not a great thing to hear, but maybe with a final diagnosis, whatever it turns out to be, my mom will reach some level of acceptance. Right now she feels tremendous guilt that we had to place him in care (despite social workers, doctors and her own daughters saying it was the only real option we had), and frequently takes him out of care on field trips that leave her exhausted, seem to bring out his worst symptoms, and also leave us trying to sort out WTF is going on that day via random text messages from her.

His symptoms *are* worsening, but they are the worst when out of the care facility. Anxiety, thousand yard stares, inability to interpret what he's seeing (ex. I had to find the pie that was literally right in front of him at Easter), and most distressing for him, bowel distress with little to no warning. Noise bothers him, and he feels pains where none exist (from what we can actually discern, he's an unreliable narrator at this point). He also still has huge impulse control issues - we had to talk him down off a chair when he thought something was hanging crooked (it wasn't, and a fall onto my mother would have broken her bones).

In the care facility, with dimmer lights and less noise, he's just prone to more thousand yard stares, and unreliable recounts of his day. He will frequently insist he didn't get fed or get his medicine, when one of us *literally witnessed it happening*. He loses items that we have to find (in his own room) for him, forgets that we brought him a treat and asks for more of X when it's right in front of him, and insists the other residents are so bad off, someone should really help them.

I'm tired. I'm at about my limit of ability to deal with it, so have started taking "breaks" from the long random nearly indecipherable text chains my mother sometimes starts mid day. I figure if it's an emergency, someone will call. And just ignore the phone.

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