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(A Scene Coming Soon to City Hall near you)

"Next." "Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."


"Tim and Amy Jones."

"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."

"No, we're childhood sweethearts."

"Ok, how do you have sex with each other?"

"What, that's a very intrusive question. Why do you care?"

"It's very important for the government to know the intimate details of your love, it's part of preserving the sanctity of marriage!"

"I'm sorry, but we won't answer....."

"We'll need your address to install the cameras in your bedroom."


"Also, what religion are you. You can't get a legal marriage if you are not Presbyterian, here are the forms to convert?

"Wait a minute. This is the United States of America, Congress shall make no law estab....."

"Also, how tall are you and your wife. We have laws making sure that only height compatible couples can marry"

"But that's discrimination based on an arbitrary physical attribute."

"It's not discrimination, your free to marry another person, they just can't be taller than you.... or black. "

"What! All men are created equal.... What about the freedom from religious persecution that this country was founded on?"

"We can't let just let any old non-related consenting adults who love each other marry. That's crazy, we've got to define marriage however makes us comfortable. It's not oppressive if your one of us."

"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"

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