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I can't believe it has been four years since he has been gone.

His birthday was March 19, 1924 and we were both Pisces. We celebrate him every year, just as the radio was celebrating John Lennon's birthday all day today although it has been 37 years since his untimely death. My DH died on January 15, 2003, a date etched in my mind forever.

I always had trouble remembering our wedding date (was it June 2 or June 3?) and he was never bothered by this. He thought anniversaries were for the maudlin and overly sentimental, as he was a military man in early life and never got over his stiff upper lip in many ways.

I weighed 130 when he died and gained 100 pounds in the four years since he died. How funny, I think, he always said he would divorce me if I got fat, and I never knew if he was kidding, but he had a first wife inclined to girth and I never knew if it really made any difference. (He was a widower at a young age.)

I've dated some since DH passed away but nothing ever worked out. I used to entertain the thought of marrying again, as they say people with happy marriages are inclined to marry again and that those marriages tend to be happy as well. Because of my weight and my age, I consider the possibilities limited, notwithstanding the fact I have severe arthritis and can see knee replacements in the offing. (Today I can stand about five minutes and walk about a block before my knees stiffen up on me and I crash and go boom. . .).

I have a crush on my cab driver, a man of fifty who goes shopping for me for a nominal fee and brings change and items back quickly. He genuinely seems to be concerned about me and my issues at the group home, especially when the A/C went off and I would love, how much would I love going out with him (Pappadeux for seafood would be nice) but I am sure he sees himself as a kindly friend and that is all. I see him about once a week when he comes to the house and gets money and my list and takes off once again. . .

I know my husband would want me to date and marry again. He always wanted me to be happy and since there was 27 years difference in our ages, I was a rather young widow, only 52 years old.

In a way, this almost sounds like I am writing to him rather than to all of you, like he never left, how he will somehow get this and know I need his guardian angelship even more than ever.

Glad to read your experiences and let's keep this board going. . .

Cathy "Cat"
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