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I'm sure you've seen the "you are what you drive" list that's spread to every corner of the Internet. One example is at
http://www.jokingaround.com/jokes/33.htm

Some of the items are quite obvious, such as a Buick Park Avenue stating that you're older than 34 of the 50 states.

Some of the others make me say "Huh?":
Acura Integra: I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
Why is this the BUICK of sports cars? What's the similarity? Does this make the Ford Mustang the Oldsmobile of sports cars? The Lincoln of sports cars? The Cadillac of sports cars?

Acura Legend: I'm too bland for German cars.
I thought that's what the Honda Accord is for. I thought the Legend is supposed to be a premium luxury performance car, not a regular car.

Mercedes 560SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Huh? I don't know anyone named Bitsy or Cole.

Plymouth Neon: I wish they'd bring back the Macarena.
Huh? I think a better tagline is, "Consumer Reports is for the birds." Then again, that tagline can just as easily apply to most products from Chrysler, Ford, GM, Audi, and Volkswagen.
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RE: FCF: Some of the others make me say "Huh?"

RE: "Acura Integra: I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars. - Why is this the BUICK of sports cars?"

Because the same amount of original thought went into deciding to buy one.

RE: "Acura Legend: I'm too bland for German cars. - "I thought the Legend is supposed to be a premium luxury performance car, not a regular car."

How many people could tell you the difference?

RE: "Mercedes 560SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole. - "Huh? I don't know anyone named Bitsy or Cole."

I don't know anyone who owns a 560SEL!

SB (either you are what you drive, or what you drive is you)
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Acura Integra: I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
Why is this the BUICK of sports cars? What's the similarity?


The "Buick-ness" refers to how plain and non-assuming the car is. The Integra (when the joke was made, they were talking about the first generation), was more like a generic sporty car. Sporty, yes, but exciting or having an identity? No.


Acura Legend: I'm too bland for German cars.
I thought that's what the Honda Accord is for. I thought the Legend is supposed to be a premium luxury performance car, not a regular car.


The original Legend (again, back when this joke was popular) was almost the same car as the Honda Accord, which, is fairly "bland". It was a luxury mid-size car, not a luxury performance car.


Mercedes 560SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Huh? I don't know anyone named Bitsy or Cole.


Refers to rich, over-affluent families living in areas, a la Winnetka, Bloomfield Hills, Grosse Pointe. The other modification to this joke is having the kids' names changed to Muffy and Skip.


Plymouth Neon: I wish they'd bring back the Macarena.
Huh? I think a better tagline is, "Consumer Reports is for the birds."


This one is a new addition to the original list. But it refers to the original Neon which actually WAS a best-selling car for DCX and the demographic was young, single women, but those that new nothing about cars. (Especially if they bought the Purple or the day-glo Green Neons)


Duck
...(Helpful)...


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The "Buick-ness" refers to how plain and non-assuming the car is. The Integra (when the joke was made, they were talking about the first generation), was more like a generic sporty car. Sporty, yes, but exciting or having an identity? No.

And then the '94 GSR came out, with a 8100 rpm redline, followed by the lightweight Type R, and then any reference to Buick was thrown out the window....

Jeff (former GSR owner)
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and then any reference to Buick was thrown out the window....

Someone's gotta remove that joke from the Net and revamp it from top to bottom.


Duck
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And then the '94 GSR came out, with a 8100 rpm redline, followed by the lightweight Type R, and then any reference to Buick was thrown out the window....

Of course, at the rate things are going, how long can it be before Buick has a supercharged 3.8-liter version of the Chevy SSR? As evidenced by the new GTO, Bob Lutz may have fallen into the soft world of GM Executive row a bit too deep.

Remeber the Lincoln Blackwood? Short-lived, but all profit.

6Speed
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As evidenced by the new GTO, Bob Lutz may have fallen into the soft world of GM Executive row a bit too deep.

In defense of Lutz (even though I whined about the GTO), my guess is that he's tried to do good without going overboard.

So far, he's:

1) Allowed Cadillacs to be uniquely styled with cement trowels.
2) Allowed for only one retro car, I think I read once that he thinks other companies can go too far with the retro looks (New Beetle, Mini, 2005 Mustang, Ford GT). Only the SSR has a retro look.
3) Got rid of the boy-racer ribbed body-cladding on Pontiacs.
4) Told Buick designers to go back to the drawing board and put a new grille on the LaCrosse.
5) Made the GTO for the U.S. by saving money and taking the existing Holden Minaro coupe. It was good because it saved money and development time was short (almost non-existent), but bad because as I complained before here, it looks too much like a Grand Prix.
6) Trying to re-do the "common platform" theme, but trying to make distinctly different cars out of them. (Saab 9-3, Chevy Malibu, future Saturn mid-size car on the Epsilon platform, Chevy Cobalt off the same platform as the Saturn Ion, and most recently, trying to make the Buick LaCrosse and Pontiac G6 with the same platform, but into two very different cars.)

If things go wrong, it will likely be going overboard on #6 and we'll have the same as we've had with GM cars all along. All cars being the same, but with different grilles and rear taillights.


Duck
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Duck, good write up, I'd add:

7) come out with the pontiac solstice, 2 seat roadster, along with 3 derivatives (chevy nomad, vauxhall VX, saturn curve)

Basically, he's brought excitement to a vehicle lineup that was basically blah before his arrival.

On a side note, I believe the Lacrosse is based on the grand prix, I don't think buick would have a vehicle the size of a G6. As for multiple vehicles off the same platform, I hope they're not going to have another Jimmy/Blazer/S10 type thing where they all basically look the same. You're going to see more things like the Nomad, Curve, Solstice, VX:

Nomad: http://www.gm.com/company/gm_exp_live/events/naias_2004/html/assets/images/cc01_02.jpg
Curve: http://www.gm.com/company/gm_exp_live/events/naias_2004/html/assets/images/cc02_03.jpg
Solstice: http://www.pontiac.com/fuelingzone/wallpaper/images/wallpaper_solstice_sm_1.jpg
VX: http://www.canadiandriver.com/news/03images/vxlightning.jpg

I think this is a little more than grills and taillights. Time will tell!

Cameron
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come out with the pontiac solstice, 2 seat roadster, along with 3 derivatives (chevy nomad, vauxhall VX, saturn curve)

I saw all four of them at the Detroit Auto Show. I didn't get into them much as they're mostly two-seaters, but they are indeed distinctly different.


On a side note, I believe the Lacrosse is based on the grand prix, I don't think buick would have a vehicle the size of a G6.

I just went and did some checking over at Edmunds:

1) The Buick LaCrosse simply replaces the Regal and Century, BUT I did find that indeed you are correct, the Pontiac Grand Prix is the same car. I looked at the specs, both are on the same 110.5-inch wheelbase platform.

2) The Pontiac G6 is on a stretched Epsilon platform (Saab 9-3, Chevy Malibu, but lengthened) and just replaces the Grand Am. But dig this, it's on a 112.3-inch wheelbase (longer than the Grand Prix)!

Verified, but surprised!


Duck
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But dig this, it's on a 112.3-inch wheelbase (longer than the Grand Prix)!
Verified, but surprised!


Wow, no kidding, I would have never thought that!

My point about the solstice, nomad, curve, etc is that they're all basically the same car underneath, but they all look distinctly different. Hopefully this is the direction GM continues to go in, away from, as you mentioned, different grills and taillamps.

Cameron
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Here's one Duck.....

Fred the illegal builder - the yugo of builders, the trabant of human beings.....
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