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Al Gore wrote that speech for you, didn't he?


Well, actually, no. I had one of Al Gore's speechwriters give an input on it yet it involved learning a body language that I couldn't impart in my post. You know, jerk left arm up, move forward a few inches, lower left arm and punch right arm sideways, that sort of thing. I didn't find this information useful. Possibly because I don't have Al's woodenness: I am lither. In fact, anyone with any mobility is lither than Al. In fact, anyone breathing is lither than Al.

You should see a speech outline for Al. “I believe,” (here look upward) “that we are designed for greatness,” (lift left arm upwards) “if we can take the opportunity,” (lower left arms and raise right arm and left foot) “to ameliorate the exigencies,” (drop right foot and move into seventh Tai Chi position) “that are evident in our society now,” (unbend and give symbolic karate chop).

As a writer of political speeches (“I do not believe the present condition as likely.”) I could not use Al's speechwriters as a source. I prefer President Bush's writers: “I ain't gonna take a contrary position but I gonna not agree with the preposition, er, proposition, er, polarity with its negative.”

I figure that I can sweep The Feste Award Third Class with Palm Cluster in that I pronounce nuclear as three syllables rather than two. I figure that my diction is a means to achieving the coveted award. That, plus bribery and extortion, will win the day.


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