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Alethea has finally given me permission to tell you all that we are pregnant. Details below, or hit Next if you are having a bad day. I can't help feeling the unfairness of it all all over again, why us why now when others here have gone through so much more.

- Joe

We found out last Thursday with a home pregnancy test. We had not taken any medications other than her regular Glucophage this month, though we paid close attention to timing. We had in fact had a "what next" consultation with the RE earlier this month, what's next having been an HSG in September. First bloodtest Thursday showed high progesterone (19) and low hCG (50s), next test Monday showed hCG at 300 but progesterone dropped to 14, so they put Alethea on supplemental progesterone. Today's test showed hCG at 1117 and progesterone rising slightly at 15. Next test next Tuesday, which I guess is a good sign--they were mainly concerned that the progesterone would keep dropping, so decreasing the frequency of the tests I guess means they are a little less concerned than before.

So how do we feel? Happy, I suppose, guarded definitely, excited not hardly. It is as if we know better than to persist in happiness or hope. We do indulge those emotions from time to time and it does feel like a weight has lifted off our shoulders, until we remember that Caleb died anyway or this pregnancy's hormone levels. We recognize that sooner rather than later we will have to risk bonding emotionally with the baby but perhaps this first month when the doctors want to monitor worrisome hormone levels every other day is not the prudent time to take that step. We talk about, "If this baby is delivered alive" instead of "When we have the baby." I guess ignorance is indeed bliss when it comes to the general populace being clueless about the many obstacles a successful pregnancy has to overcome. At least this time around we aren't obsessed with "doing the right thing" about every food and activity, there's a short list of well-documented dos and don'ts and beyond that we know that it is out of our control. So is fatalism is a better emotion than paranoia? Probably not lol.

I do feel like it is unfair that blessing should come our way when others have suffered more. You all mean a lot to me and I do pray that good news will come your way.

- Joe
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