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My elderly parents unfortunately subsidized his youngest daughter & her sons to the point of their financial ruin. They are denied Medicaid at this time, d/t impact of Medicaid's 5 year look-back law. Dad too late, realizes the impact of indulging his daughter...but really doesn't want to sell the house that he built. Which is a better option: sell the house to cover Mom's nursing home expenses OR a reverse mortgage loan to help keep Dad in his home & still cover nursing home costs?

I cannot think of any other alternatives. All suggestions welcome.

Apache
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Others have posted that the reverse mortgage can come due before his death if your father leaves his home to enter a retirement community.

You might want to consult an elder attorney. He will be most knowledgeable of how to protect your father's assets in this situation. Social workers at your nursing home can probably recommend one.

Another option might be for your father to rent out the house and move into lower cost housing (if he can find a good renter).
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My elderly parents unfortunately subsidized his youngest daughter & her sons to the point of their financial ruin. They are denied Medicaid at this time, d/t impact of Medicaid's 5 year look-back law. Dad too late, realizes the impact of indulging his daughter...but really doesn't want to sell the house that he built. Which is a better option: sell the house to cover Mom's nursing home expenses OR a reverse mortgage loan to help keep Dad in his home & still cover nursing home costs?

Where will your father live if he sells the house? Are there affordable senior apartments in his area? Is he open to living with a child--and are any of you open to housing him or could he cycle among you? How is his health and how old is he--is he on the verge of needing a nursing home, too?

Are there possible alternatives to a nursing home for your mother? Is there Granny day care in their town and is she a good candidate? Might your father take care of his wife at home with the assistance of a full or part-time aide and/or family members, community resources? For example, Meals on Wheels delivers a hot meal 5 days a week. If they live nearby, maybe your sister & her sons who received significant parental beneficence could do something significant in return like clean the house, do the shopping, bathe Mom.

When my maternal grandparents each turned about 88, they had aides come to their little apartment in NYC to get them bathed and dressed, fix a meal, clean--and watch soap operas with Nana. IIRC the city of NY paid for a part-time aide and my mother paid the rest. By the time they were 90/91, Nana & Gramps each moved to a nursing home and lived to age 93.
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Where will your father live if he sells the house? Are there affordable senior apartments in his area?

In this area some of the nicer independent living facilities offer HUD housing. They are smallish efficiency apartments, but HUD makes them available for a rate based on your income. That makes it possible to afford them on Social Security income. There is a waiting list, but many find them attractive and practical. Meals and housekeeping provided. Plus activities and social interactions with other people.
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Many thanks for all the input & questions of concern.

To answer some questions. Dad is 90 & Mom is 88. Dad took out a Long Term Care insurance policy in 1993 with a 90-day deductible period(with premiums waived when once used), of which Medicare helped pay 100% for 20 days, then 80% up thru day 70. That's why the nursing home for Mom...his long term care does not cover in-home care at $25/hour.

Right now, in my parents home state/county, assets need to reach $14,000 my parents qualify for community resources...and then there is a waiting list. My parents are not quite to $14,000 yet.

If Dad's house were to be sold, finding alternative living arrangements for him would be challenging, since he doesn't want to sell the house that he built. Dad is not nursing home material, but fits the assisted living setting. It just seems easier to get a reverse mortgage loan versus selling his home & then attempting to find a single facility to accommodate BOTH Mom & Dad's needs. Currently, Mom's nursing home facility does not have an Assisted Living wing...and I would hate to have them live in separate facilities, whereby visiting one another would be difficult.

Looking for a keep-it-simple solution...perhaps there isn't one. I live out-of-state...and my elderly parents do not want to relocate with me, but would prefer I move to be near them---this is not 'doable', since I cannot afford to relocate.

Apache
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Does anyone know of good websites to recommend about the topic of Reverse Mortgage Loans?

There is senior apartments in the area, but once again, Dad wants to stay in his own home. Right now, it seems the path of least resistance to let him continue to stay in his home, versus the tedious chain-of-events to move him elsewhere. At 90, I don't know for how much longer he will be able to live alone, whether in his home or senior independent living.

I am mentally & emotionally exhausted, in trying to reason out all the possible scenarios. I have no other sibs, to help share in the decision making...just the selfish-A Sis who took from him. Now, that Dad has nothing more to offer her, she is no longer in the picture. Sad state of affairs.

Many thanks for your willingness to share opinions, questions & suggestions.

Gratefully, Apache
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It just seems easier to get a reverse mortgage loan versus selling his home

Reverse mortgage may be the best solution in your situation. Just be aware that he can be forced to sell or refinance if he moves out of the home--even to assisted living or other retirement facilities.

So be sure to inquire about those aspects as you shop for a reverse mortgage.
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Just guessing here, since I really have no expertise on this issue:


I would suppose that selling would produce the greatest amount of money available to spend.

I would suppose that a reverse mortgage would produce a smaller, monthly stipend.

Having the money in cash means your father has the greatest ability to meet spending needs.

A reverse mortgage might leave him cash strapped like he is now.


Also --- frankly I don't think 90 year olds should be living alone in a house. They probably can't manage a house without extensive help, and are vulnerable to problems and hazards.

Personally, I plan on disposing of my house about age 70 and move into my rental house for three years or so, and then sell that.

I plan on renting for the rest of my days.


So frankly, my own biases support selling the house, not hanging on to it. But of course, your father apparently has different ideas.


Seattle Pioneer
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