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No. of Recommendations: 6
Dear Swimdad:

Since I left to live on my own I have been remiss in writing and I am sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down.

Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my card board box when it caught fire shortly after my arrival here is pretty well healed now. I only spent five weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick headaches once a day.

Fortunately, the fire in the card board box, and my jump was witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the card board box, and she was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. The attendant also visited me in the hospital and since I have nowhere to live because of the burned-out card board box, she was kind enough to invite me to share her apartment with her. It's really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. She is a very fine woman and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning on getting married.

We haven't got the exact date yet, but it will be before her pregnancy begins to show. Yes mother and Dad, we're pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know that you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my girlfriend has a minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from her.

I know that you will welcome her into our family with open arms. She is kind, and, although not well educated, she is ambitious. Although she is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your often-expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by that.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no card board box fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, We are not pregnant, I am not engaged, I am not infected and there is no girlfriend that you need worry about in my life. However, i blew up a very popular board by accident.

Your loving son,

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