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And another thing! I can't believe i forgot about sleep regressions - that's my usual go-to. I must be slipping. I was just catching up on the AskMoxie blog and there was a recent post about the 4-month sleep regression so i searched for "3.5 year sleep regression" and found this:

If nothing else, maybe the commiseration will help? Two ideas that hopped out in the comments: Reward chart and melatonin.
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