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And how might we ever tell if we're in, say, Santa Barbara?

1. You keep running into people who say there's a street in town named after their great-grandmother's family, but none of them look Spanish.

2. You go to the beach and when you get back someone asks you if you were tarring your roof.

3. You ask someone which way north is, and he says, pointing twice, "Well, it's that way, but it's really that way."

4. You ask someone which way LA is, and he says, "I dunno. Haven't been there since I lived there."

5. You ask a guy who moved there from LA how there could be a street in Santa Barbara named after his great-grandmother, and he says, "Man, that's a good point, I'll have to check it out."

6. "Big Dog" means "wardrobe" to you.

7. You know whether or not Jonathan Winters is alive.

8. You see a Burger King with quatrefoil windows and a Spanish tile roof.

9. Your mountain bike cost at least half as much as your car.

10. You wonder why you're still taking Milpas to get on 101 south.

11. You wonder why you ever take 101 south.

12 You begin to suspect that 101 south really goes east.

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