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No. of Recommendations: 5
At 90, Grandma probably can't stay by herself. Does she walk without assistance? Is she competent to sign a new will? I assume she doesn't drive. Alternative arrangements for living with the "good" kids?
Generally, it is best for an old person to remain in their own home as long as possible. It is difficult for them to learn new things. If moved to assisted living or a nursing home, she will decompensate quite quickly--can't find the light switch, wandering at night, all manner of problems. If Rat #2 is with her 24/7 to toilet her, fix her meals, etc. some compensation is in order, in addition to room and board. Especially if she is incontinent, wiping her butt every time she goes to the bathroom, and changing wet diapers promptly isn't a fun job. Are the rats performing these services? If she welcomed it, would another child move in to take care of her, the group agreeing on fair compensation? Check what assisted living or nursing homes in your area charge for comparable service, according to what her needs would be. To pay her children a comparable amount is fair if they are reliably providing the services.
This group has lived together for a number of years. They've worked out dynamics one way or another, and the situation may not be all black and white.
Before the rats are tossed out, there are some questions to ask:
Is Grandma physically abused? Are their bruises on her body? Bedsores? If so and you are filing legal complaints, take pictures.
Check the refrigerator. Is there nutritious food in the house? Who is doing the cooking? Is Grandma gaining or losing weight? If she is paying for the groceries but receiving nutrtious meals for herself, that's a fair exchange.
Is she in fact being taken care of 24/7? If there is always one rat there the arrangement may be pretty good as it is. However, it may be that care deteriorates when/if the rats get possession of the checkbook and even more so, the deed to the house.
Lots of things to think about.
Best wishes, Chris
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