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Attention all you rice burners and sport sedan drivers. See that big thing in front of you? That's me. It's called a minivan. I can almost keep up with you in a straight line - it does have a sizable engine. But it corners like a pig in mud. That's why I'm driving kind of slow. That, and all the stuff I am forced to carry with a family on vacation shifts around if I take the corners too fast. And you don't even want to talk about kids and motion sickness. So I slow down.

Running right on my rear bumper won't help, I'm not going any faster. And I promise to pull over and let you by in just a moment. Please be patient.

Unless we're on a scenic bypass to highway 101 through the Redwoods in Northern California. If you want to go faster, stay on the main road. This one is for poking along. Get over it.

--Peter <== returning from a 2 week driving vacation

PS - I promise not to get my drool on your nice ride as you pass me. Hopefully, it will be enough to know that I would enjoy being in your place. Perhaps when the kid is older I can do that.
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No. of Recommendations: 8
Attention all you minivan drivers. See that little car behind you? That's me. It's called a MLC (mid-life crisis) car. I can go pretty damn fast in a straight line - even though I "only" have a 1.6 litre normally aspirated engine. And it corners like it's on rails. That's why I'm driving kind of fast. Especially because with only 2 seats, no kids and a tiny boot I can only carry minimal luggage so there's no ballast weight to slow me down.

I like riding on your rear bumper. It might remind you to move over & let me past. Plus I like the fact that your kids are drooling out the back window at my "cool car". But take your time, that's OK.

Unless we're on a scenic bypass to highway 101 through the Redwoods in Northern California. If you want to get from one place to another, stay on the main road. This one is for going fast round twisty bits. Get over it.

Primm <=== hasn't had a vacation in a year, & is a little jealous of anyone who has right now.

PS - I like that you admit you'd prefer to be driving my car than yours. How old are those kids again? ;-)

*You know this is (mostly) tongue in cheek, right?*

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How old are those kids again? ;-)

Only one at the moment. 6. Although we're seriously considering another. (The plural "kids" was a little bit of literary license. If only that were true of the car sickness.) It's gonna be a while. :-(

*You know this is (mostly) tongue in cheek, right?*

You betcha. Very well done too, I might add.

--Peter <== who gets a hankering to get his MGA restored and running again every time I drive along the coast on 101.
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Attention all you minivan drivers. See that car behind you? That's me. It's called a sports sedan. I can go pretty damn fast in a straight line - even though I "only" have a 3.8 liter normally aspirated engine. And it corners like it's on rails complements of 18" rubber, Bilstein shocks, improved sway bars, and upgraded springs with shock tower braces. That's why I'm driving kind of fast. Especially because with only me in the driver seat and a subwoofer in the trunk, there's no ballast weight to slow me down.

I like riding on your rear bumper. It might remind you to move over & let me past. Plus I like the fact that your kids are drooling out the back window at my "cool car". But take your time, that's OK.

Unless we're on a scenic bypass to highway 101 through the Redwoods in Northern California. If you want to get from one place to another, stay on the main road. This one is for going fast round twisty bits. Get over it.

Milligram46 <==== in desperate need of a road trip after the day at work I had today

*You do realize this is mostly tongue in cheek, right?*
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I was going to say the same, except its my QLC (quarter-life crisis) car, and it's a 2.0L. ;)

Jeff
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Running right on my rear bumper won't help, I'm not going any faster. And I promise to pull over and let you by in just a moment. Please be patient.

Sorry about the bumper, I was anticipating the next safe place to pass. And by the way, it's really not necessary to pull over to let me pass, but I would appreciate it if you made a conscious effort to lift a bit when you see I'm committed to the pass. It's a well-known unconscious reaction to increase your speed when someone is passing you, but I've found that if I make the conscious decision to lift a bit when I'm overtaken, that's eliminated and we both are safer and happier.

And since we are in the country, be advised that if deer or other woodland creatures decide to cross the road while I'm passing you, I'll make every effort possible to perform my sudden braking in an area not directly in front of you. Same for unaware operators entering the road on my side. I'll most likely hit the binders and stay in the lane, no doubt glaring reproachfully at the offender as I pull in behind you again.

Richard
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Attention all you minivan drivers. See that car behind you? That's me. It's called a big honkin' full-size sedan. I can go pretty damn fast in a straight line - especially since I "only" have a 4.6 liter normally aspirated V-8 engine with dual exhaust. And it corners almost like it's on rails complements of 16" rubber, MotorCraft shocks, improved sway bars, stiffened chassis and rear air suspension. That's why I'm driving kind of fast. Especially because with only me in the driver seat and nothing in the trunk, there's no ballast weight to slow me down.

I HATE riding on your rear bumper. So I'll just cross the yellow line or drive on the should around your slow unweildy bus. Plus I hate the fact that your kids are drooling out the back window at my "cool car". I'm not gonna poke around behind you, and watch that crap. But now that you're in my rear-view mirror, take your time, that's OK. I see you trying, belatedly, to speed up to keep up with me. Futile attempt. Even on "cruise control", I can outrun your anemic boxy behind. Oh oh, look out, here comes a curve! Oh, too bad, you had to slow down.

This paragraph deleted.Unless we're on a scenic bypass to highway 101 through the Redwoods in Northern California. If you want to get from one place to another, stay on the main road. This one is for going fast round twisty bits. Get over it.

Charles <==== This little exercise was fun! ====>

*You do realize this is mostly tongue in cheek, right?*
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Especially because with only me in the driver seat and nothing in the trunk, there's no ballast weight to slow me down.

But your center of gravity...I'm gonna shut up now, Charles knows how to hurt me :)
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But your center of gravity...I'm gonna shut up now, Charles knows how to hurt me :)

You are so dead, Mister. :-)

Sometimes I do wonder just how much better my car would handle if it didn't have 600 lbs. (yes, I'm up to 6 now) sitting on top of the left front suspension...

Charles
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And by the way, it's really not necessary to pull over to let me pass,

Well, on the roads I was travelling this time (Highway 101 up the Pacific Coast) legal passing opportunities are few and far between. There are just too many curves and not many places where you can see far enough for a pass. And even when you can see far enough, odds are there will be oncoming traffic. It's a pretty busy road.

but I would appreciate it if you made a conscious effort to lift a bit when you see I'm committed to the pass.

No problem. If it looks like a good opportunity to pass (no oncoming traffic and good visibility down the road), I'll probably keep out of the throttle coming off the corner. Hopefully, you'll get the hint and get on with your pass.

And since we are in the country, be advised that if deer or other woodland creatures decide to cross the road while I'm passing you, I'll make every effort possible to perform my sudden braking in an area not directly in front of you.

And since you're sitting down with your butt inches from the asphalt while I'm sitting pretty high with a good view over your head, odds are that we'll both see the woodland creature at about the same time. I'll probably be braking as well, since there's no telling which lane Bambi, Flower, or Thumper will choose to freeze in.

Oh - and since I'm a bit larger, Flower and Thumper are speed bumps and I may not care about hitting them as much as I do Bambi. So don't be too suprised to see one of them emerging from between my rear wheels (with or without impact modifications). But I'll try to keep in mind that those smaller critters can do some nasty damage to your under-the-bumper radiator, so you may be avoiding them more than I care to.

--Peter
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Oh - and since I'm a bit larger, Flower and Thumper are speed bumps and I may not care about hitting them as much as I do Bambi. So don't be too suprised to see one of them emerging from between my rear wheels (with or without impact modifications). But I'll try to keep in mind that those smaller critters can do some nasty damage to your under-the-bumper radiator, so you may be avoiding them more than I care to.

--Peter


You just reminded me of the bits of road kill that I found on my front fender after I arrived at work. I'm going to have to get a car wash...

Euww
Charles
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Especially because with only me in the driver seat and nothing in the trunk, there's no ballast weight to slow me down.

<grinning>
Sorry Charles. I've seen photos. You're a big guy. Just you in the car IS adequate ballast to slow things down.

--Peter <== ducking and running
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Sometimes I do wonder just how much better my car would handle if it didn't have 600 lbs. (yes, I'm up to 6 now) sitting on top of the left front suspension...

A little more seriously - please consider working on that, Charles. It can't be good for you.

My wife was up to 320+. She had gastric bypass surgery last October and has lost about 90 lbs now. She's like a new woman. She's got lot's more energy and more interest in life again.

Last year on vacation, she didn't really want to get out and do anything. Sightseeing consisted of whatever could be seen from the car. This year, she was out and walking around and enjoying things like we used to. It's like I've got my wife back.

I'd be happy to take this off-boards if you'd like.

--Peter
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And since you're sitting down with your butt inches from the asphalt

Known as ground in effects when the rusty floor pan lets go.
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Sometimes I do wonder just how much better my car would handle if it didn't have 600 lbs. (yes, I'm up to 6 now) sitting on top of the left front suspension...

You wouldn't have even posted that if you weren't interested in suggestions.

Back on subject.

All tailgater's need to drive off a cliff into a pit of acid.

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