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Big sigh . . . what to do??

You can most certainly give your daughter advice. I would assume that anything you say will get back to your SIL, so don't bad mouth him. But if you have advice for your daugter on how to motivate them dish it out! That's what mom's are for! With regard to you feeling as though you wouldn't have to discipline the grandkids if she would do it, you need to tell her. Not in front of the kids, but I think she needs to know. There is no benefit coming from you holding back.

I would avoid critizing what she has or hasn't done. I would stick with the present moment and offer suggestions. Make sure you realize she may not listen to you, and that's neither bad nor good, just the way it is. So don't take it personally if that happens.

That's my 2¢. It's tough predicament. Good luck.

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