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BIN LADEN TO RUN U.S. POSTAL SERVICE
White House Defends Latest Deal


The White House became embroiled in controversy once again as it announced today that it had made a deal with Osama bin Laden to run the U.S. Postal Service.

<snip>

But at a press briefing in Washington, Vice President Dick Cheney vigorously defended the deal, calling Mr. bin Laden "the right man for the job."

"Osama bin Laden is eminently qualified to run the U.S. Postal Service," Mr. Cheney told reporters. “For one thing, he's already disgruntled.”

The vice president denied reports that he was inebriated at the time the deal was made, adding, "I had one beer, tops, and I did not make a second trip to the keg."

<snip>

The vice president added that once Mr. bin Laden has control over the postal service, there was a chance that he could become a friend of the U.S., noting, "And once he is our friend, we will shoot him in the face."

Elsewhere, Anna Nicole Smith said she was optimistic about winning her case before the United States Supreme Court, adding, "I'm good at getting old men to do what I want."

http://www.borowitzreport.com/
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