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WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."

The Onion: November 5, 2008 | Issue 44•45

Posted by Barry Ritholtz on Wednesday, November 05, 2008 | 09:30 PM
A pretty good Onion headline:

Nation Finally Sh-tty Enough To Make Social Progress:

Although polls going into the final weeks of October showed Sen. Obama in the lead, it remained unclear whether the failing economy, dilapidated housing market, crumbling national infrastructure, health care crisis, energy crisis, and five-year-long disastrous war in Iraq had made the nation crappy enough to rise above 300 years of racial prejudice and make lasting change.

"Today the American people have made their voices heard, and they have said, 'Things are finally as terrible as we're willing to tolerate," said Obama, addressing a crowd of unemployed, uninsured, and debt-ridden supporters. "To elect a black man, in this country, and at this time—these last eight years must have really broken you."

Added Obama, "It's a great day for our nation."

That is, unfortunately, only a sleight exaggeration as to the landscape. Of course, for wit, prescience, and humor, nothing beats the Onion's 2001 pre-inauguration headline:

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over

January 17, 2001 | Issue 37•01

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."


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I <3 the Onion. 

And wow, it's amazing how eerily predicative that 2001 pre-inaugaration article ended up being --- proof that satire often has a very strong element of truth to it.  

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i am happy that Democarcy reigns in our republic.

and that America feels hope renewed.

AND that a long Dark Age in American politics may be over.

my joy is tempered by the track record of politician's promises.

whispering sweet nothings in my ear while slipping around town with lobbiests who wine and dine them, stopping off at cheap hotels while calling home, "working late". my heart has been broken many times before...

but enough about my feelings! what about JOHN McCAIN??!!

how do you think he's feeling today??!!

(he used to be a POW don't cha know!)

losing his life's ambition after TWO SOLID YEARS of chasing it might be the straw that breaks the camels' back...

wondering in one of his 12 houses, tormented by lifes cruel visitudes... again!

and poor cindy. how long before she wakes to discover that her husband thinks she's the viet cong!!??

a little empathy, please!

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As John Mauldin said before the election, we were electing a new Janitor in Chief.

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great post, made my day i came all hang over to work but this is great stuff that keeps you going.
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