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AP Broken News
2:08 pm, 2/28/2003

ALEXANDRIA, VA (AP)

A mysterious break-in has left the employees of The Motley Fool® & local police investigators scratching their heads.

"We just don't know why anyone would break in & steal just a few faxes & computer files about our annual Feste Award", co-founder Tom Gardner was quoted as saying. "Why, there's a perfectly good foosball table sitting over there, untouched. Wouldn't someone rather play foosball than read articles about the Feste Award winners?".

Sources close to the investigation say that a broken canoe paddle & several Palm Clusters were found scattered about the room. The paddle appears to have been manufactured by a Canadian firm.

A witness, working in another office within the building, was reported to have heard a man screaming "If I can't have the Feste Award Third Class with Palm Clusters then NOBODY gets to find out about those Feste winners!" as he ran from the scene.

No other information was forthcoming from investigators at this time.

AP-ES-02-28-03 1408EST
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Roflmao

Makes more sense than the hanging chad discussion...

daFluff
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ROUND UP THE USUAL SUSPECT!

Captain Renault
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AP Broken News
2:08 pm, 2/28/2003
ALEXANDRIA, VA (AP)

A mysterious break-in has left the employees of The Motley Fool® & local police investigators scratching their heads.


In a possible further development, a raggedy man was apprehended at the local bus station and arrested for disturbing the peace and threatening a bus driver. The man was accompanied by several women wearing very short skirts and shaking pom-poms. Their connection to the incident was not immediately apparent and a police spokesperson indicated they would not face any charges as they are currently entertaining officers at the station and seem more than willing to cooperate.

It appears this man, identity not yet known, insisted upon bringing a rather large plinth aboard the bus to Vancouver. Upon being told it was either the plinth or the girls, the man became abusive and had to be subdued. Fortunately, the girls helped. Enthusiastically.

The man refused to supply police with additional information but was heard to mutter "I hope that idiot got his canoe.". Due to that lone utterance, the police are supposedly exploring the possibility of a link between the two events.

However, as the police seem more interested in exploring the pom-pom ladies than exploring a possible connection, it seems there will be no film at eleven.
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A witness, working in another office within the building, was reported to have heard a man screaming "If I can't have the Feste Award Third Class with Palm Clusters then NOBODY gets to find out about those Feste winners!" as he ran from the scene.

LQueiros


I most strenuously deny any connection with the recent break-in at TMF HQ and have an iron-clad alibi: I was home alone while Elly was out shopping. I have the receipts to prove it.

I was NOT the one that raided TMF and to insinuate that I broke into the offices using a tire iron, a pry bar, two hammers and a steel wedge to get into the building is false. Also, if I did not know the code, 346732, for opening TMF's main office door how then could I have opened it?

I also vigorously deny that the paddle used to open the files draws is mine and that the initials MBR on it stand for Marine Biology Research. The palm fronds are not mine either since they cause a rash when I wear them.

This canard must be quashed now! I was not The Midnight Skulker, no way. I think I am being framed by those who will be jealous of me winning The Feste Award Third Class with Pam Cluster eventually after TMF recovers the data from the backup disks I missed.

MichaelR

Deeply hurt that anyone would think I would stoop this low. Makes me want to go back again and really do a good job of it. That is, if I was the one who did break in.


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Thank you for clarifying the issue Michael.

I believe you.

The ugly lies must stop.

Any thought on setting up a defense fund?

gnos<freeMichaelReed>
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