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No. of Recommendations: 3
Challenge 3: Legal Disclaimers

You are the company lawyer and you want to have your company's product (your choice of product), protected against all possible misuse that could cause legal suit. Example: Your GE microwave is not designed for dog drying.

Create at least five.

MichaelR
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No. of Recommendations: 11
Stock recommendations appearing in The Village Idiot are not to be taken as recommendations to buy or sell stock. Past performance is no gurarantee that we didn't get lucky. Information is obtained from sources believed to be reliable, at least they told us that they were reliable and we believed it. Have we mentioned that our recommendations really aren't recommendations? Investements may gain or lose money over time, goodness knows ours have. Read and follow all package directions. Your mileage may vary.
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No. of Recommendations: 8
GitNSome Contraceptive Jelly.

GitNSome Contraceptive Jelly ("Love Lube") is a healthy part of the most enjoyable preventive maintenance scheme yet devised by man. Love Lube is not a silver bullet, however, though theoretically it could be used with one. Here are some helpful hints from our loyal, if a bit fatigued, crack research staff:

(1) Love Lube does not prevent the intrusion, irrevelant banter, scorn, derision, or other apparently necessary and proper communications from in-laws.
(2) Love Lube does not prevent the slow dawn of discomfort you may experience once you realize that your partner enjoys this quite possibly more than they have a right to.
(3) Animals just don't care, so we can't be bothered to produce a disclaimer to that effect.
(4) Love Lube does not under any circumstances prevent your boss from walking into your office as you type embarrassing and even potentially job-threatening e-mails.
(5) Love Lube does not, to our eternal regret, prevent you from bumbling through what could otherwise, in the right hands, have been a truly otherworldly experience.
(6) In fact, we aren't certain that Love Lube protects against much of anything, truth be told, because the damned researchers can't seem to find the time to document anything. Crack research staff, my arse.
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No. of Recommendations: 7
The opinions expressed in this post are entirely fictional and any similarity with reality is entirely coincidental.

Chicken Stock - We make no claim that this stock contains any actual chicken. 100% satisfaction guarantee: if you are not 100% satisfied with the quality of this product, go make your own. Every once in a while, one of our employees falls in the vat of chicken stock. If your chicken stock tastes like Tony, call 1-800-Chicken to get a coupon for half off a can of additional chicken stock. Like all investment food products, the value of this stock may lose value over time. Please see the Nutritional Information Prospectus for details.
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No. of Recommendations: 5
Not meant to be smoked without adult supervision.

Can cause possible blindness, deep heavy rashes, shortness of breath, elevated weight gain, loss of sensation or use in one or two major limbs and/or vital organs if product packaging is opened.

If some residue appears on the side of the product and looks like nuclear waste, just wash it off with a damp cloth and forget you ever saw it.

Not to be used as a sex toy. Trust us.

Don't blame us if something goes wrong. You bought it. What do you want? Someone to hold your hand for the rest of your freakin' life?


Keith...

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No. of Recommendations: 22
The fine print on a quarter:

Acceptance of this coin in the denomination of 25 US cents, hereinafter referred to as a "quarter," constitutes implicit acceptance of the following conditions:

1) Insertion of this quarter into any orifice, either your own or someone else's, is not recommended and may result in serious injury or death. The US Treasury assumes no liability resulting from such actions.
2) This quarter is not digestible by humans and has no nutritional value. The US Treasury will not be held responsible for any discomfort or injury occurred as the result of accidental or deliberate swallowing of this quarter.
3) While certain third parties offer products such as washing machines that are compatible with this quarter, such compatibility cannot be guaranteed. Resolution of such problems is the responsibility of the third party concerned. This quarter may not work in products that were designed for quarters minted prior to 1940, or coins in denominations other than 25 cents.
4) The value of this quarter is fixed by law at 25 cents. However, the purchasing power of this quarter may decrease over time due to a phenomenon known as "inflation." The Treasury assumes no responsibility for any decline in purchasing power caused by this phenomenon.
5) While this quarter may be used to choose between two options by flipping it into the air and employing the procedure known as "heads or tails" (q.v.) the Treasury assumes no responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on such a decision.
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No. of Recommendations: 6

VWP toilet bowl cleaner:

1. The makers of VWP toilet bowl cleaner insist that this product only be used in an ACTUAL TOILET. We cannot be held responsible if you void where prohibited, as the product only works IN TOILETS. Voiding where prohibited, in addition to being a social faux pas, means we'd somehow have to come up with a "VWP port-a-potty" emergency catheter kit.
2. This product does not work in/on outhouses, riverbeds, alleyway walls or disgruntled neighbor's flowerbeds, and the makers cannot be held liable for any legal action taken against you should you relieve yourself in those environs.
3. Interstate transport of more than 42 ounces (4 10.5 ounce containers) of VWP toilet bowl cleaner is not permissible under the Geneva Convention.
4. Use of this product while under the influence of alcohol is not suggested. You may be praying to the porcelain god, but we will not be held liable should you asphyxiate yourself while trying to use this product to remove the evidence.
5. Use of a toilet brush to agitate the water / cleaner is highly recommended. We will not pay any medical bills should you try and substitute your pet for the brush, especially if that pet's head is in fact larger than the toilet bowl itself.

Diane
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No. of Recommendations: 6
1) Insertion of this quarter into any orifice, either your own or someone else's, is not recommended and may result in serious injury or death.

When my son was about three he was playing with a nickel and inadvertently swallowed it.

I frantically called the pediatrician who asked if the kid seemed ok.

Yes.

I then asked if I should sort of follow the kid around and check.

The Doc's reply was "Just how badly do you want that nickel?"

Klash,
still broke
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No. of Recommendations: 2
...so remember, if you've got dandruff, you're probably not using "Hairgenics!"

Instructions: Wet hair, lather, rinse, repeat.

Warning: Use of product is at consumer's risk. Not for internal use. Failure to wet hair before application may cause product to fail. Failure to repeat will cut into our bottom line. Use of conditioner with this product could result in noxious fumes, hair loss, brain hemorrhage, or death. Use of hair dryers may cause follicular-combustion, and is discouraged. Product may require up to 12 months to show results.
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No. of Recommendations: 5
Thank you for your purchase of Ronco's Personal Nuclear Power Plant®. Your plant will provide years of enjoyment, but before operating for the first time, please familiarize yourself with the enclosed instruction sheet, and carefully read the following warnings:

----------
Key
! - Important safety note
* - Affects entire world
----------

! - Keep out of the reach of small children.

! - If radioactive waste comes into contact with eyes, flush with cold water for 15 years and contact a physician.

! - The silica gel packets enclosed with your nuclear plant are for dehumidifying purposes only -- DO NOT EAT.

* - In the event of a core meltdown, please attempt to retain the integrity of the lower head of the reactor pressure vessel, and ascertain the emissivity, viscosity, and density of the contaminant material in order to determine the most appropriate accident management option.

* - The Simpsons is only a fictional cartoon. Any attempts to hire a Safety Inspector like Homer Simpson may result in the injury or death of millions of people.

Have Fun!
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Stock recommendations appearing in The Village Idiot are not to be taken as recommendations to buy or sell stock. Past performance is no gurarantee that we didn't get lucky. Information is obtained from sources believed to be reliable, at least they told us that they were reliable and we believed it. Have we mentioned that our recommendations really aren't recommendations? Investements may gain or lose money over time, goodness knows ours have. Read and follow all package directions. Your mileage may vary.

[rec]²

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No. of Recommendations: 3
>>>>>>Challenge 3: Legal Disclaimers

You are the company lawyer and you want to have your company's product (your choice of product), protected against all possible misuse that could cause legal suit. Example: Your GE microwave is not designed for dog drying.

Create at least five.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Acme Fly Paper: Warning the use of this product is not intended for,nor will it enable the user to actually fly.Do not ingest.

Cigarettes:The Surgeon General has determined that smoking is hazardous to your health.However,a well timed cigarette break outside of high-rise job could possibly save your life.

Bananas:Attention! Discard peel.Use as slippers NOT recommended.

Cool Water colonge: Warning! This product is not intended for human consumption.It is not really water.

Cubic Zirconia: The seller hereby assumes no responsibility as to possible future deceptive purposes of this product by the purchaser.

*JR*

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No. of Recommendations: 1
Challenge 3: Legal Disclaimers

John Deere stands behind all of his products...

except his manure spreader.

Randall
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No. of Recommendations: 1
inadvertently swallowed it.

The Tooth Fairy didn't want my daughter's teeth that badly either.

~~ Alison
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Warning sticker for Nikon Camera:

WARNING: Using this camera to take unauthorized photos of psychotic rock stars could result in telephoto-anal reaming, which voids your warranty.
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