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I know Borowitz is a bit over-posted on the boards, but this one was particularly funny so just had to share.
'Right now, calling the United States government an ‘organization’ would be a reach.'
He added that the hackers’ ultimate goal had been to hurl the U.S. government into a state of abject paralysis, 'and they seem to have already taken care of that on their own.'

"...little of value, especially on the hard drives of congressional offices. 'Those computers did not appear to be used for anything work-related,' the spokesman said. 'Basically all we found were restaurant reservations and porn.'”
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