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...of quips! Enjoy...

loooooong! ...can TMF handle this? 3500+ lines


A Listing of TAG Lines Collected Over Time...
^ ^^^^^^^ ^^ ^^^ ^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^ ^^^^...
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

Do you think a man who knows his own value grants anyone the right to criticize even his most trivial qualities?
-- Arnold Schoenberg

== Violin, n. (mus.): A horse's tail scraping cat entrails.

******** (IN STEREO WHERE AVAILABLE) ********
******** (IN STEREO WHERE AVAILABLE) ********

It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing MilkBone shorts... N GREEN
I'd like to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
A true friend walks in when everyone else leaves...
"I shot the SysOp...But I meant to shoot the Moderator...."

Sweer's Impossibility Theorem:
Nothing can be both completely general and internally consistent at the same time.

Segal's Law:
A man with a watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.

"Sir? Am I to understand that you people sell dead, fried BIRDS here?"
PENGUIN OPUS, at Kentucky Fried Chicken (Bloom County)

Krueger's Observation:
A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someboby else up.
Mark Twain

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."
Mark Twain

Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes.
John LeCarre

"There's a sucker born every minute."

"You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren."

"Damn the torpedoes - full speed ahead!"

"Can you imagine the silence if everyone said only what he knows?"

In some parts of the world, people still pray in the streets. In the United States they're called pedestrians.
Gloria Pitzer

Middle age is when you are faced with two temptations, and you choose the one that will get you home by 9 o'clock.
Ronald Reagan

"If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a restaurant"

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's First Law:

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

If U don't need a clean shirt to go to work.. you might be a redneck.

"No opium-smoking in the elevators."
WILSON MIZNER, sign in hotel he managed

"Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains."

An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

First Law of Advice:
The correct advice is to give the advice that is desired.

Law of Communications:
The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On!

A Cowboy's Guide To Life
By: Texas Bix Bender

The CODE of the West...
Write it in your heart,
Stand by the code, and it will stand by you.
Ask no more and give no less than honesty, courage,
loyalty, generosity, and fairness.

Don't never interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Every quarrel is a private one. Outsiders are never welcome.

There's more ways to skin a cat than stickin' his head in a
boot jack and jerkin' on his tail.

After weeks of beans and taters,
even a change to taters and beans is good.

Never take to sawin' on the branch that's supportin' you,
unless you're bein' hung from it.

Never kick a fresh turdd on a hot day.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

When dealin' with a slick son of a bitch,
start off by pinnin' him down and changin' his oil.

The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you
shave his face in the mirror every morning.

The best way to find a lost stray is to go to the place you
would go if you were a lost stray.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.

Don't worry about biting off more than you can chew.
Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth is a-jawin'.

Tellin' a man to go to hell and makin' him do it
are two entirely different propositions.

Never miss a chance to rest your horse.

The best way to cook any part of a rangy ol' longhorn is to toss it in
a pot with a horseshoe, and when the horseshoe is soft and tender,
you can eat the beef.

Generally speaking, fancy titles and nightshirts are a waste of time.

Trust everybody in the game, but always cut the cards.

A womans heart is like a campfire.
If you don't tend to it regular, you'll soon lose it.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd,
take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

No matter where you ride to, that's where you are.

A body can pretend to care, but they can't pretend to be there.

The best way to have quiche for dinner is to make it up
and put it in the oven to bake at about 325 degrees.
Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it.
As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.

A lot of good luck is undeserved, but then so is a lot of bad luck.

You can just about always stand more 'n you think you can.

When it comes to cussin' don't swallow your tongue;
Use both barrels and air out your lungs.

Remember, even a kick in the caboose is a step forward.

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

If you're gonna drive cattle through town, do it on a Sunday.
There's little traffic and people are more prayerful
and less disposed to cuss at you.


Always try to be a bit nicer than is called for,
but don't take too much guff.

Egg shells in the coffee keep it shy of bitterness.

Always remember your horse hears and smells a whole lot more 'n you do.

Kickin' never gets you nowheres, less'n you're a mule.

When you throw your weight around,
be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

Too much debt doubles the weight on your horse
and puts another in control of the reins.

On the range, an unlocked ranch house is an invitation
to a weary cowboy to help himself to food and shelter.
Cash payment for this kind of hospitality
is a serious breach of etiquette.
A note of thanks and payment in kind is all that is expected.

The only way to drive cattle fast is slowly.

The basics of roping are a sense of rhythm,
good timing, and an eye for distance.
You might also wanta keep this in mind
when you're two-stepping around the dance floor.

Don't let too much reality into your life
that there's no room left for dreaming.

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat.
It's not so important to know what it is,
but it's critical to know what it was.

Ain't never seen a critter feelin' sorry for itself.

The quickest way to double your money
is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

If you drink Tequila don't dive off the sidewalk.
Most generally the water is too low,
and in nine out of ten towns, there is at least a $50 fine for it.

Most folks are like a bob-wire fence. They have their good points.

Nobody ever drowned himself in his own sweat.

No tree is too big for a short dog to lift his leg on.

Never lie unless you have to,
and if you don't have a damn good lie, stick to the truth.

It doesn't matter how fast you are
if the other guy is so much as a hair faster.

You can't always tell a gunslinger by the way he walks.

You can never step in the same river twice.

Any time a large herd moves through a civilized area
there's a lot of sh!t to clean up.

If you want to forget all your troubles,
take a little walk in a brand new pair of high-heeled ridn' boots.

Don't get mad at somebody who knows more 'n you do.
It ain't their fault.

It's best to keep you troubles pretty much to yourself,
'cause half the people you'd tell 'em to won't give a damn,
and the other half will be glad to hear you've got 'em.

The wildest critters live in the city!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows Error #009: Windows loading. Come back tomorrow.
Windows Error #00A: Promotional literature overflow. Mailbox full.
Windows Error #999: Unable to exit windows. Try the door.
Windows Error #00F: Unexplained error. Tell us how it happened!!
Windows Error #00F: Unexplained error. Please tell us how it happened
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows Error #018: Unrecoverable error. System destroyed.
Windows Error #1001: Unrecoverable error. Destruction in 10..9..8..
Windows Error #016: Door locked. Try control-alt-delete.
Windows Error #017: Window Jammed. Try control-alt-delete.
Windows Error #018: Window Jammed. Try alt-shift-F4.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows Error #00D: Window closed. Do not look out.
Windows Error 0001: RAM address without valid Zip Code.
Windows Error 00: Horrible bug encounterd. God knows what happened.
Windows Error 763 : Hard disk not ready, close door.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows Error: Press F13 to continue. (Made You Look!)
Windows Error 9FFF: Program too small to fit into memory.
Windows Error 005: Multitasking attempted. System confused.
Windows Error 007: System price error. Inadequate money spent.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows Error 1238: Modem not error correcting but error connecting
Windows Error k001: No Keyboard: Press F1 to Continue.
Windows Error c001: CPU not found. Connect to your brain?
Windows Error #01C: Uncertainty error. Uncertainty may be inadequate.
Windows USER ERROR: Please replace user and hit enter to continue.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

... Child rearing myth #1: Labor ends when the baby is born.

Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of Wait!

If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exagerate!

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

I've got auh uh uh, oh yeah: a photographic Memory!

The cat crept into the crypt, crapped, and crept out again.

Replace your sex drive with a disk drive, and you become a SysOp!

WARNING! Murphy's Law strictly enforced ahead.

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species

Cap'n! The twit shields canno' take much more o' this!

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

When talking nonsense try not to be serious.

I am Ohm of Borg. Resistance is E/I...

The light at end of the tunnel is... A TRAIN!

There are three things I have always loved and never understood: Art, music, and women.

My computer has EMS... Won't you help?

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Rotissere: A Ferris wheel for chickens.

Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...

Computers can never replace human stupidity.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

The FBI called, they want to come play some cool pirated games.

Photons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic!

ERROR LPT1 not found - use backup - Paper and Pencil

Stupidity is like nuclear power. It can be used for both good and evil.

You are a Redneck if you have ever vacationed in a rest area.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

Talking to her about computer hardware, I make my mother board.

Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses do something.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

A guy with money to burn should find a gal who wants to play with fire.

Artifical intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

As far as I could see, it was a dark night.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Computer Science: Solving today's problems tomorrow.

And on the eight day God said, "Murphy, you're in charge."

I'm not lost! I'm locationally challenged.

Cables are aliens from another planet that use computers to reproduce.

Cats know how we feel. They don't give a damn, but they know.

What a weirdo! You mean you actually *talk* on the phone?

Windows Tip #17: Add Device=Fngrcros.sys to your Config.sys file.

A desktop computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.

Never judge a book by its mini-series.

Firefighters still make house calls.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.

Homemoaner: a person who complains about property taxes.

Enter any 12 digit prime number to continue.


Good tech support is a scream saver.

Microsoft Windows - proof that P.T. Barnum was correct.

If we can't enforce the laws we have, why make more?

Want to join my war on technology? Send me a fax.

Don't blow out another light to let yours shine.

Think. It's good practice for when the computer is down.

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Intel, where quality is still job 0.9894586798

Hardware: The parts of a computer that can be kicked.

There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

A 350-cubic inch V8 is not an enormous can of vegetable juice.

Why Johnny can't read. Now available on VHS tape.

Multimedia: an excuse to pay $2,500 for a CD player and cheap speakers.

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

When everyone thinks the same, then everyone is stupid.

Green Eggs and RAM

Plays well with others? (y,N)

Why is the soup of the day different in every resturant?

Windows would be better with curtains

CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/n)?

Hummingbirds can't remember the words to songs.

Isn't is a shame Christmas comes at a time of year when the stores are so crowded?

Santa's elves are a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

All I want for Christmas is a box of Smurfs and a mallet.

Fear of crowded holiday shopping: Santa Claustropobia.

Noah saved all the animals from the flood by ARCing them.

Be politically incorrect. Support the Constitution.

God must love stupid people. He made so many of them.

Californians are not without their faults.

Ethical dilemma: Drowning lawyer - just drive on by or stop to watch?

Frog Philosophy: Time's fun when you're having flies.

OK, I jumped. Do I get my chute now?

Every so often, railroad conductors have to go for retraining.

Why is government corruption always reported in the past tense?

If women can have PMS, men can have ESPN.

Bulldozer: Someone who sleeps through political campaign speeches.

One Christmas I got a battery with a note saying, "toy not included."

Eagles fly, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Does steel wool come from metal sheep?

A person with horse sense is a person with a stable mind.

The road to nowhere is just left of somewhere.

Concensus: Counting the prison population.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

Important, call if you do not receive this message.

If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?

Why are there Interstate highways in Hawaii?

World ends at 3 pm. Details at 5.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students.

Cows ride the space shuttle - the herd shot round the world.

Bachelor: A guy who has cheated a woman out of a divorce.

Why is a soap dish so hard to keep clean?

Congress finds more profit in supporting tobacco than you.

You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Are dog biscuits made from Collie Flour?

LOVE: Temporary insanity cured by marriage

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Why are there flotation devices under airplane seats instead of parachutes?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed.

Dumb v2.0: Upgrade from stupid

A $300.00 Picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first.

I eat my coffee straight from the can. Why dilute it?

Words are not food, though sometimes we must eat them.

It has a short, it keeps blowing the fuse. Do you fix these things?

Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.

Guts: putting the name "SYSOP" in your twit filter.

In every old guy is a young guy wondering what happened.

I may not answer just yet.....but I always listen (God)

I am Curly of Borg. Assimilate? Why soitenly! Nyuk Nyuk

An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.

Weber's Definition:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.

My other computer occupies a medium-sized building.

Don't take life so serious-It isn't permanent.

You can't teach a dead dog new tricks.

Let me know right away if you don't get this message.

You must realize that EVERYTHING is a cat toy.

All power corrupts, but we NEED electricity.

"Hi! My names Enter...Please Don't HIT me!!!"

This man's hurt, Bones! Damnit, Jim, I'm a Dr., not a...oh yeah.

Stop! Modem Police...we clocked your Courier at 5600cps!

Two wrongs do not make a right: It usually takes three or more.

Fatal mouse error. (B)ury or (R)eplace?

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features...

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

I've had about all of me I can stand for one day!

Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.

File Not Found. Backup Not Found. Do you want a drink?

Do you think files get embarrased when you unzip them?

Your lack of understanding as to why I want it is not important!

Dragons: The _ORIGINAL_ flying toasters!

Bang keyboard to continue or kick PC to quit.

So many idiots, so few comets!

If something has to go down on me, why does it have to be my computer?

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

If you smoke after sex, try a lubricant next time.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Sector not found... Did you look under the sofa?

WOMAN.ZIP - Great program but no documentation.

* Incontinence Hotline, can you hold, please? *

It compiled? The first screen came up? Ship it! -- Bill Gates

Just when you realize that life is a bitch, she has puppies!

Ya need a license use a car, but any psycho can drive a modem!

In God We Trust. All others use the Call-Back Verifier.

It's a pity that ignorance isn't painful...

Programmer (n.) A device for converting coffee into computer code.

Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?

Why experiment on animals with so many WIN95 users out there?


God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.

An open mind and an open Bible are a WONDERFUL combination!

Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.

Danger! Operator Failure Imminent!

As I said before, I never repeat myself. Never.

Cursor: What you become when your system crashes.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Taxation, by any other name, is still Legalized theft.

Guns are interesting, accurate ones are even more interesting!

A big enough hammer fixes anything.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

Stealing is ILLEGAL. The government hates competition!

Beware of software companies with an overworked support desk.

History Repeats Itself Because Nobody Listens.

NOT homeless, NOT hungry, but I WILL work for SEX!

I believe in something else, now go bother someone else.

Since I've used up my sick leave, I'm calling in dead.

Modren disk cmopreiossn sftwoare is naerly floopoorf.

ACRONYM: Abbreviated Coded Rendition Of Name Yielding Meaning

But I forgot all about the AMNESIA conference.

Erotic: Use a feather. Pornographic: Use a whole chicken

You can find out a lot about paranoids just by following them around.

Where there's smoke, in electronics, there's a test occurring...

It's either country music, or nine cats being tortured.

Anatomically Correct beats Politically Correct any day.

Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you.

Digital circuits are made from analog parts.

I'm ready to shoot the steenking 'puter.

Acccept the fact that some days you're the pigeon and others, the statue.

Unknown Error on Unknown Device for Unexplainable Reason.

The triumph of evil is assured whenever good people do nothing.

How many boards could a Mongol hoard if a Mongol horde got bored?

AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse.

What's worse, a part missing or a part left over?

Paranoia: The feeling that a tagline is about you.

You must survive your mistake to learn from it!

Did you attend the time travel seminar next week?

"The Computer is your friend. Obey the Computer!"

I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere?

Life is not a spectacle or a feast, it is a predicament.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

General Failure Drive C, (A)bort (R)etry or (T)hrow Tantrum?

Computers also eliminate spare time.

Always do right: Gratify some and astonish the rest.

911 or 9MM? 45 minutes or .45 auto? Decisions, decisions...

Forget the favors given; remember those received.

If you think that I'm weird, you should see the view from here!

Bad Day: When the fortune teller refunds your money.

The world is coming to an end. Please log-off.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing!

Computers are NOT intelligent, They only think they are.

To tell the sex of a chromosome, pull down it's genes.

Madness takes its toll. Exact change only, please.

Don't give me that "kinkier-than-thou" attitude.

You're a deviant bowl of radioactive foot fungus!

Old enough to know better....but crazy enough to try it anyway!

Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up?

Fingers not found - Pound head on keyboard to continue.

I wish life had an editable scroll-back buffer...


You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. - A. Lincoln

To err is human, to forgive is against FidoNet policy!

Headline: NYSE - Acme Suspenders Break: Consolidated Pants Drop

Will the last one leaving Earth please turn out the lights?

Compassion in NOT a subsitute for Justice.

It's a good day if you don't wake up at room temperature.

The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.

Politicians are like diapers..they both need changing...

That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest. Thoreau

Did an endangered species splat on your helmet today?

I'll try anything once too often.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

"Hail, Caesar!" "Nevermind the weather report, Brutus!"

Beware of half-truths, you may have the wrong half.

Get down on your knees and thank God you are still on your feet!

Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo!

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors taglines.

If you have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, you'll learn a lot today.

Reality: What you get -without- a computer.

Armed men are Citizens. Unarmed men are Subjects...

Karaoke: Japanese for "tone deaf."

MicroSOFT, not MicroGOOD, MicroRIGHT, or MicroFAST.

If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it.

File not found. Shall I look under the sofa? (Y/n)

The brain you've reached is not in service at this time.

Mac error message: "Like, dude, something went wrong."

Confucius Say: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!

I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse.

Do you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?

2400 baud modems make you want to get out and push.

If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need to read a 678-page manual

BBS addiction is a terminal disease.

No matter how early you arrive, someone else is in line first.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Headline: Ability To Swim May Save Children From Drowning.

Computers are tools, not complete solutions!

Few things are as democratic as a snowstorm.

"CONGRESS" Expensive! and built to stay that way...

Dan Quayle's Library Burns Down! Both Books Lost!

BEER... Drink your daily B-complex with a foamy head.

A three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering!

Friends don't let friends buy RPI or WinModems!

It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.

Around here, we do PRECISION guess work!

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

I know and I know you know I know.

Teenagers: Your punishment for enjoying sex.

*ABC* Anybody But Clintoon!

Women: You can't live with them. Pass the beer nuts- Norm

Save changes before exit? (Y)es, (N)o, (W)hat changes?!?

93.4% of all statistics are made up. The rest are false.

The bugs will go away when you turn off your computer!

All things are possible. Except skiing through a revolving door.

Apathy error: Strike any key; Or none for that matter.

!@#$%^&* the most widely used computer term worldwide.

Mice Krispies: The breakfast food cats prefer.

FOSSIL Driver : He who chauffers old folks around.

Smoke may indicate you have passed maximum performance.

Smoke may indicate you have passed the "smoke test".

Insanity runs in my family. In fact it practically gallops.

Blond = Dumb, Redhead = Tempermental, so what is mouse Brown?


"An armed society is a polite society."

Out of telepathic range.

Nothing outlasts DATA! His OS still runs.

Ouch! I got my floppy stuck in my PK ZIPper!

Of course I'm on topic! (which echo is this?)

What ever you are doing. Keep doing it. Just do it hard.

Real women don't deflate when you bite them.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Policy does not imply that sanity is a SysOp requirement.

Bambi was Disney's first stag film.

IF (quackslike(X)=DUCK) return DUCK;

People like that are the reason we have middle fingers...

Today is tomorrow's yesterday.

My doctor calls me paranoid...but I know he's one of them!

WARNING! Drinking tap water may kill your thirst...

I'm not a real tagline, but I play one on Fido...

Live like your gonna die tomorrow. Work like your gonna live forever.

Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? - ML

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.

Windows 3.x - The colorful clown suit for DOS...

I trust I have made myself perfectly obscure!

No man is useless... he can always serve as a bad example.

Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.

:) <--Rare Photograph of Casper, the friendly ghost!

The results of my I.Q. tests are back. They're Negative!

Working is a lousy way to earn a living!!!

If you don't like it, give it a bad name and kill it.

MURPHY'S LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS: Things get worse under pressure.

Everyone is born right-handed. Only the great overcome it.

Discoveries are often made by not following instructions.

I support the right to arm bears.

You Wierdo!! Out of the gene pool!

No strategy can replace dumb luck.

Devices=Leave Us to Our Own.

Please Wait . . . Eating Hat...

Have you clubbed an ignorant human today?

"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure." -Quayle

"Running a Level-One Tagline Diagnotic, Captain"

Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

Inel: he Penium bug only affecs floaing poin calculaions!

Whips and chains? Sorry, that's a hardware problem.

"A man is only as old as the woman he feels." Groucho Marx

Windows 97: P7 with 128MB minimum.

You don't need a backup unless you don't have one.

Advisor - The guy who told you how to screw up.

Ted Turner Virus: Colorizes your mono monitor.

MicroSoft: Where quality is job 1.1!

Some people are alive because it is illegal to kill them!

Torpedos Offline, (A)bort, (T)ry phasers, (B)eg for mercy

Smoreplay: What Smurfs do before they Smuck.

A dollar saved is a dollar Congress overlooked!

Too bad women don't have pull-down menus and online help!

Some people are born stupid, others work to acquire it.

Kings could not give the rights essential to happiness.
Neither can the Government.

Best file compressor around: DEL *.* (100% Compression)

In a civilized society, there is no evolution.

Computers are the cash equivalent of black holes.

Multi-media: a slide projector and a tape recorder.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

"Sex! Lies! Drugs! Money! Power! Corruption! God, I love Congress!"

All computers wait at the same speed.

Not only am I a master of suspense, but...

Life 1.00: Unregistered Evaluation Copy.

I've been run over on the Information SuperHypeway!

Malice is merely stupidity raised to a higher power.

Life's a bitch, but some of the puppies are cute.

Tagline omitted for brain power conservation.

Clinton is God's way of saying, Hahahahahahah!!!

Nothing can be made foolproof, as fools are so ingenious.

Newest DOS Prompt: Are You Really Really Really Sure? Y/N

As a rule I don't drink. As a habit, I do, but...

Getting old is mandatory - growing up is optional.

Born again? Have you been potty trained again?

If I'm not careful I'll end up talking to myself.

Why does my raincoat say Dry Clean Only ?...

I started out with nothing...I still have most of it left.

Quantum Physics:the dreams that stuuf is made of...

"Experience comes from bad judgment." - Mark Twain.

The Speed Of Time is approximately 1 second per second.

Consult a real expert - Call your mother!

If life was fair, bras wouldn't come in different sizes.

Governments never disarm themselves, only their slaves.

Cynicism - the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence.

IO.SYS? MSDOS.SYS? Huurmph. I don't need those...

"Apology?" "Better check the temperature in HELL first!"

24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...hmmmm.....

If the needle still points to a number, you're not going fast enough.

I plead stupidity.

The buck doesn't even slow down here.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

I am Porky Pig of Borg. Prepare to be be a robot.

There's no such thing as a too-recent backup!

Teenager: 50% stomach, 50% lip and the rest is common sense...

And now for something completely different!

Redneck Email Address: Bubba@rr1.box69.3rdtrailor.onleft

If we let the dream die, what's the sense of waking up...

Speed is not dangerous, it's stopping very fast that kills.

This product tested on small, cute, furry animals with big, sad eyes.

Some days it's not worth chewing through the restraints.

"Not sure WHO is turning crank to keep universe running. Just glad he don't STOP!"

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Far too many people are educated beyond their intelligence...

I can keep a secret, but the guys I tell it to can't...

Love is blind. Lust has 20/20 vision.

Pool is like sex - you use a stick with balls to get into a dark hole.

Genius is perseverence in disguise.

Headline: Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers.

Headline: Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim.

Preparation is assimilated, prepare to be irrelevant. Waitaminute...

Gotta run, the cat is caught in the printer.

I'm not weird... I'm gifted!

Save the Whales - Collect the Whole Set!

If I made myself clear, let me know and I'll start over.

If at first you don't succeed, delete *.* and reinstall...

Excellence is a state of mind.

Babysitter <n>: The kid you pay to watch your TV.

If you want your name spelled wrong, die.

STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere!

Never believe anything until its been officially denied.

THE UNIVERSE IS MINE! Now where to keep it.....?

6 lost clusters. Convert to taglines? (Y/N)

I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

AD&D Mistake #99: Throwing a 12 ft fireball in a 6 ft room.

If you can read this, my cloaking device is on the fritz.

As much fun as french kissing a light socket!

If you call me insane again, I'll eat your other eye.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Artificial Intelligence:A blonde dyed brunette.

Scaldophobia: Fear the toilet will flush while showering.

Compatible: Blows up a little later than Incompatible.

Anyone who remembers the 60's...wasn't really there.

I tried to drown my sorrows, but they can swim.

MEOW...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs).

Elvis Stamps: Where will your mail be spotted next?

If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.

Freedom of movement and choice produced the human spirit.

Sure, when... OINK FLAP OINK FLAP... Well I'll be damned!

Yepper! (Texan for "Yes, sir")

Peace is not a dream, but a reality ignored.

That's not line noise! My modem is speaking in tongues!

KLEENEX.EXE not found... [S]nort, [P]lug nose, [U]se sleeve.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I'd rather have a bottle in front-a-me than a Frontal Lobotomy...

NEW from Ralston Purina: Maiden-flavored Dragon Chow...

Bell Bottom pants & no chain guard, Man that had to hurt!

Backup not Found (R)ETRY (P)ANIC (G)ET BEER.

A day without fusion is a day without sunshine.

Ferengi DOS: Unprofitable command or file name.

Smoking cures weight problems...eventually.

You say the learning curve is exponential??

He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins! And I'm working on it!

There be no more nits, for thou hast picked them all.

Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.

From The Office Of The Head Cheese.

It's been a Murphy day all week long!

Egotist: a person who plays too big a part in his own life.

Do you have a *problem* with me being paranoid?

Thou shalt log on properly and in accordance with thy sysop's wishes.

My first wives were Famine, Pestilence and Death -- Londo Molari

"Initiating `Getting-The-Hell-Outta-Here' Maneuver... -- Lennier

Are the noises in my head bothering you?


If you're not making waves, you're not rowing the boat.

Being a SysOp is nice but it interferes with my life.

Press any key... NO!! NO!! NOT THAT ONE!!

I'm neither for, nor against apathy.

Why is it easier for others to degrade me than to rise above me...

No one can sway me from what I'm about to say... not found, Promote [Y/N]?

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup.

Don't argue with he who buys ink by the gallon.

Do not attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance.

Please remain seated until this tagline comes to a complete stop...

Can you hold off a vampire with a sun lamp?

TO: John Hinkley: Bill Clinton is boinking Jody Foster!

The Elephant says to naked man, "How do you eat with that?"

As I said last week, I'll be done tomorrow.

Bad FAT? My hard disk has high cholesterol?

Would you repeat the part after, "Listen very carefully..."?

Take stock in assimilation- buy Borg Savings Bonds!

We're from the government and we're here to help you.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue......

My poor mouse only has one ball.

Everyones Toolbox Needs A Little Ingenuity!

Dammit, Jim! I'm an Alzheimer's patient not a ..uh ..uh

Blessed be the pessimists, for they carry extra ammo!

Profit is not a cuss word! Quark(well, he *could* have said it!)

I'm not always right. Only 99.938742% of the time.

void main (void) { if (windows=="useful") hell=frozen }

Doubt grows with knowledge.

By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts!

I know everything. I just can't remember it all the time.

Been there, done that, tripped the alarm, came here.

Earth is 98% full...please delete anyone you can.

Today I feel more barbequed than hot and spicy!

Does "MicroSoft" translate to "small and squishy"?

No one can hear when you're Screaming in Digital!

If I buy the steel wool, can you knit me a BMW?

I'm not inexperienced at life.

"A free people ought to be armed." George Washington

Chivalry ain't dead, it's just being sued for sexual harassment.

My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter!

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."--Freud

A woman is only a woman but a good cigar is a Smoke.

FBI Agent burned trying to steam open PGP message, details at 11!

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while Steve was a suspect.

Murphy's Rule of Combat: Incoming has the right of way!

Precinct toilets stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

My opinions, are solely my own...

Clinton - New Liberal Math: your paycheck minus your paycheck.

Bill Clinton's not a president. He just plays one on TV.

Pi R Squared? No. Pie R round, Cornbread R square!

Clinton's only experience in "foreign relations" was 2 girls in Haiti.

Redneck marriage proposal.........YER WHUT!!??????

I am Procrastitron! I will destroy you! Well, when I get round to it..

Hello Bill Clinton, I'm your surgeon, & I'm an NRA member...

Every man. woman and child should own a gun. - Rush Limbaugh

Resistance to tyranny is obedience to God. - Jefferson

On the other hand, you have totally different fingers.

If I melt some dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

I'm here to get injected, infected, detected, selected & neglected.

Practice makes perfect, so be careful what you practice.

Oh no, not another learning experience!

After many successes I'm looking for one good failure.

355/113 A pretty good recipe for a Pi.

Well, my cray is in the shop.

Klingon prompt: strike any user when ready.

If Guns cause crime, all of mine are defective!

A Volkwagen Bug with a license plate that reads "Feature"

Life is complex; It consists of real and imaginary parts!

"Forget the Joneses"..."I can't keep up with The Simpsons!"

I am free of prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

The Universe is a figment of its own imagination.

A liberal is a person with no interests now at stake.

Computer illiterate? E-mail for free help!

A person does not have a sense of humor, it has you.

The law disregards trifles, has it spoken to you recently?

You have the right to remain silent, please use it.

COFFIN: One of the symptoms of a chest cold.

Any advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

All advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits...

Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass

NO. You cannot dial 911. I am downloading my mail!

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

Say, isn't stealing taglines illegal? Like grand theft motto.

I think, therefore I am dangerous.

I think, therefore I am dangerous. (In the Governments eyes.)

Reality is for people who can't face Science Fiction.

If it's tourist season, where do I get a license? Florida Redneck.

Why do tornadoes only hit trailer parks?

There's no future in time travel.

Recursive, adj.; see Recursive.

Most GUI's I've seen are pretty gooey.

For Sale: Large dog, eats anything, likes children.

Computers keep me off the streets, out of bars & brothels.

He who hesitates... is last.

"Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing."

Captain, our sensors indicate a massive mailflow is approaching!

Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

Middle age is when you know your way around, but don't feel like going.

Sure you can trust the government...Ask any indian.

Sure you can trust the government...Ask any Native American.

Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!

This talgine meats awl U.S. Govermint standerds.

Mom! Baby's eatin' all the raisins off that sticky paper.

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

You just thought it was bad up to now!

And, you just thought it was bad up to now?!!!

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. ---

For once I'm at a loss for words. Mark down the date!

If num(cooks) > max(cooks), broth = spoiled.

Please understand. We don't want no trouble. We just want the right to be different. That's all.

Never knock on Hell's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

If a fly had no wings would it be called a walk?

2 is better than 1; 3 is better than 2; 4.0 is better than 95.

Don't hit me, Mr. Moderator... I'll go back on topic... I swear!

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

If everything else fails, panic!

Mercy for the guilty is cruelty to the innocent.

If you can't read, don't answer.....

"I'll take 'Things Only I Know' for 400, Alex."

Helicopters don't fly, they beat the air into submission!

So easy to use, a child can do it. Child sold separately.

Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!

If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.

In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.

MASON-DIXON(n):Line that separates y'all from youse-guys.

Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.

Echomail: cheaper than the Post Office, and darn near as reliable.

BUFFERS=20; FILES=14; second and five with 1:15 left to play...

Always question *questionable* authority.

Local pests: pigeons, squirrels, skunks, crows, liberals...

If life were logical, MEN would ride sidesaddle.

Of course it's half eaten. You said you wanted the chef's salad.

You will get a fair trial, after which you will be shot.

For sincere personal advice, page your SysOp at 3 A.M.

Keptin...! Romulan Wessel ahead! Wessel.. Mr. Chekov?

Sysop ('sih sop) n. The guy laughing at your typing.

Line noise? What fh=.hElL is.LinS nfise?

Only XT users know that Jan. 1, 1980 was a Tuesday.

Johann Sebastian Schwarzennegger: "I'll be Bach..."

Hard work never killed anyone but why take a risk?

As expected, the victorious candidate in a particularly dirty recent political campaign, won by a mudslide.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.

Do Androids dream of electric sheep?

Modem: A great deterrent to phone solicitors.

Law of Revelation:
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

Windows NT: Just another pretty program loader?

I Pitty a donkey with a IQ of 138: Nobody likes a smart ass!

I love kids, but I couldn't possibly eat an entire one.

"Let's see them figure *that* one out!" -- Hobbes

V-SCAN Warning: CLINTON.COM fails integrity check.

Windows97, complete with a "Start Over" button!

Microsoft motto: "We're the leaders, Wait For Us!"

Disk Failure: (C)old boot; (W)arm boot; (S)teel-toed boot.

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

I tried to get a life, but they were out at Wal-Mart.

It's not the destination that's important,
it's what you find along the way.

Gentlemen: Start your debuggers

"The worst cliques are those which consist of one man."

Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.

Celibacy is NOT hereditary.

Old musicians never die, they just de-compose.

By the time I have money to burn, my fire will be out.

What speeds up, must slow down. But who says it's ever gonna speed up?

If you eat yogurt, you'll have lots of culture.

Forgive and remember.

Forgive and don't forget.

In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

URA Redneck if your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

PAPER CLIP(n): larval stage of the coat hanger.

You never find a lost article until you replace it.

A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.

Any instrument, when dropped,
will roll into the least accessbile corner.

He who dies with the most still DEAD!!!

"A certified bug?" "Yes!" "Do you have a bug's license?"

CAT (n.): 1. Furry keyboard cover. 2. Alarm clock.

ASCII and ye shall receive.

1024x768x256 ... (cm?) Sounds like one mean woman.

Psychic wanted, qualified person knows where to apply.

Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.

Pure drivel tends to overwhelm any contaminated drivel.

Florida: Arrive on vacation, depart on probation.

Chicken Little only has to be right once.

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.

History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.

If you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.

Snow is just God shaking his dandruff on you.


Space bar? I wonder what the cover charge is...

If you don't think women are explosive, drop one.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back you've got something.

Organization is the enemy of improvisation.

An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought. NOT!!
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

I just bought a cured ham. I wonder what it had?

"There are no secrets better kept than the secret everybody guesses."

If thy neighbor offend thee, buy his kid a drum.

When in darkness or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

I'd quit smoking, but everybody hates a quitter.

HELL (n): Backing up a 600 meg drive with 360K floppies.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Enter ANY 12-digit prime number to continue.

FREEDOM is the *RIGHT* to shoot back!

Politics = poly(many) + tics(blood sucking parasites)

Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Can't find COLDBEER.CAN, Moderator not loaded..

Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.

"Truth exists, only falsehood has to be invented."

Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way.

"We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse."

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Operator, trace this call and tell me where I am.

Klipstein's Observation:
Any product cut to length will be too short.

Turn your 486 into a Gameboy, type WIN at the C>.

Everything changes except change itself.

"I don't think so, Tim!" -- Al Borland

The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.

Don't blame Congress. If I had billions, I'd be irresponsible, too!

A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking.

A government by the people should not fear the militia!!

GIVE: Support the helpless victims of human error.

GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.

Computer missing, notify Sysop!

Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.

In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

Life is like... an analogy! Yeah! That's the ticket!

'Hex Dump' - Where Witches put used Curses?

An unbreakable toy can be used to break other toys.

Parallel lines are very long and thin.


Is scientific progress supposed to smoke that way?

JUNK(n): stuff we throw away. STUFF(n): Junk we keep.

Instead of putting others in their place, try putting yourself in their shoes.

Prozac: Sometimes you feel like a nut - sometimes you don't.

The only rose without thorns is friendship.

The best prophet of the future is the past.

The living world is a continuum in each and every aspect.

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.

I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."

Never feed your cat anything that doesn't match the carpet.

Helplessly planned projects take three times longer to complete
than expected; carefully planned projects only twice as long.

Make shure you poofread your work for mistake.

FILES=40, BUFFERS=30, Ball on the 20, 1st and 10.

Compressed DATA!!! QWK..UNZIP him!!!! -- Picard

Don't overtax yourself; that's the Government's job.

It works better if you plug it in.

My hard disk went on a diet and lost it's FAT.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Cheops' Law:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with your fist!

A major problem these days is how to save money for your children's college education when you're still paying for yours.

Born Free....TAXED TO DEATH!

Ginsberg's Theorems:
1) You can't win.
2) You can't break even.
3) You can't even quit the game.

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.

DEVICEHIGH = Your device driver on drugs.

But I thought YOU did the backup...

After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.

If your feet smell and your nose runs -- you're built upside down.

Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:
Nobody notices when things go right.

Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.

Real programmers write to disk with magnets.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.

Weinberg's Second Law:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine.

Wyszkowski's Second Law:
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

Lewis' Law:
No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, once you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations:
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.

"But my SysOp doesn't carry the EXOTIC_REDHEAD conference!!"

"But my SysOp doesn't carry the EXOTIC_REDHEAD ECHO!!"

Steele's Philosophy:
Everybody should believe in something...
I believe I'll have another drink.

ETHERNET(n):device used to catch the Ether bunny.

Mondays: The lint balls in the washing machine of life.

BBS = Busted, Broke, SysOp (Now You Know!)

.To be or not to be - Shakespeare
..To do is to be. - Kant
...To be is to do. - Sartre
....Do be do be do. - Sinatra
,,,,Yabba dabba do! - Flintstone

If all the world's a stage, I sure got lousy seats.

Devoted to the study of cat bathing as a martial art.

Law of the Office:
Important letters which contain no errors, will develop errors in the mail.

If something is confidential, it'll be left in the copier.

Brain damage? No thanks, I have all I need.

No, I can't walk on water, but I can stagger on alcohol.

Basic research is what I am doing when, I don't know what I am doing.

I'm not young enough to know everything anymore.

My interest is in the future because, I am going to spend the rest of my life there.

I never fail to convice an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.

Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the soul of genius.

Ahh! Come on Mr Sysop, just this one last little feature!

How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?

Murphy's Fourth Law:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

"It's a trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat."
WILSON MIZNER, a comment about Hollywood

"You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements."

The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up!

Behind every great computer lies... a mess of wires!

Couples without children know how you should raise you...

Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.

Reality is for people with no grasp of fantasy.

I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.

Swallow your pride; it's non-fattening...

Honor and trust are everything. Don't betray them!!

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Elvis not found! (A)bort (R)etry (H)ave mercy (T)hank you very much

If speed scares you, use Windows.

. The Three Ages of a Computer Product:
.. Alpha test is when you wouldn't even show it to your mother.
.. Beta test is when you stap your mom down and say, "Here, Mom."
.. Gamma test is the rest of the life of the product.

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.

Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

Rosenfield's Regret:
The most delicate component will be dropped.

Thoreau's Law:
If you ever see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

Colson's Law:
When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

First Law of Laboratory Work:
Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.

The Unapplicable Law:
Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

First Postulate of Isomurphism:
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.

Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Fools rush in where fools have been before.

Maugham's Thought:
Only a mediocre person is always at his best.

Never purge files after three sleepless nights.

Schmidt's Law:
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.

Corollary to the First Law of Revision:
In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.

Second Law of Revision:
The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.

Etorre's Observation:
The other line moves faster.

Weber's Definition:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.

Vail's Axiom:
In any human enterprise, work seeks the lowest hierarchial level.

A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final insepction.

Yes, I stapled the label on the disk. Why do you ask?

Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts for support rather than illumination.

The telephone will ring when you are outside the door fumbling for your keys.

Old bakers never die, they just quit making dough!

Old bakers never die, you just can't get a rise out of them!

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.

What do you mean, QWK? It took me over an hour to read!

My wife is one of those annoying persons who is usually right.

Every human being either adds to or subtracts from the happiness of those with whom he or she comes in contact. T.A.T.

No person is to big to be courteous, but many are too little.

Every now and then, an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

"It's not the years, it's the mileage." - Indiana Jones

A little ignorance can go a long way.

Proof that cats are smarter than dogs:
You cannot get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

Bedfellows make strange politicians.

If Windows flew airplanes, there would be MANY crashes.

A plucked goose doesn't lay the golden egg.

Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.

Any given program will expand to utilize all available resources.

The usefulness of a meeting is inversely proportional to its attendance.

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

A motion to adjourn is always in order.

Ever stop to think... and forget to start again?

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers!

I'm Having A Ball Doing Nothing At All

Sleep??? Who needs sleeeeeeeeee...........

PROGRAM: used to turn data into error messages

A thing not worth doing, isn't worth doing well.

Laser printer set to stun...

I'm flexible, just don't change anything!!

Design flaws travel in groups.

If things were left to chance... they'd be better.

SYSTEM HALTED - Press keys ALL at once to continue

Parroty error: Polly wanna cracker???

Gravity doesn't exist: the earth sucks.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.

Time flies like an arrow... Fruit flies like a banana...

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

2000 yrs ago Egyptians worshiped cats. The cats never forgot.

URA Redneck if you have a civil war chess set.

Don't worry, even maggots serve a purpose.

Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.

(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer.

He who laughs last is probably your boss.

Eat a live toad for breakfast, and nothing worse will happen that day.

Where you stand depends on where you sit.

Life after death? Is that like terminate and stay resident?

A noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.

If you prick me do I not.... leak? - Data

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

If you shoot a MIME...Should you use a silencer?

Old programmers don't die, they just lose their memory.

Can't use Windows, have single tasking brain and fingers.

What do you mean my Birth Certificate expired?

L.A.P.D. Motto: Let's leave early and beat the crowd.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

If you can't run with the big dogs, find your own hydrant.

Was Tasha Yar the Enterprise's expert on Data entry?

Moderation is usually the excuse for power

Push red button to test, release button to detonate...

*CAUTION* Always unplug computer before typing "dblspace"

My computer has EMS... Can you help? PLEASE...?

to receive a reply send a self-abused stomped elephant to...

K N O C K H A R D H E R E ******************** 4NewMonitor

10+ Years in CyberSpace! Where is the Exit?? (is there one?!)

If I compiled a complete list of all the things I should do... I'd still need > 2Gb of Drive Space.

"So what if I want to strut around nude?" - Bart Simpson

Death is Life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me...

Clinton/Gore elected; Beavis and Butt-head appear--coincidence?

!!WARNING!! JOLT.CAN found, programmer probably wired.

What, 200 bucks for a HAIRCUT??! - Clinton

I multitask... I read in the bathroom!

Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the Cat? (Y/n)

Who is General Failure and why's he reading my hard disk?

New Computer: 4x Divorce at 133Mhz

Civilization: Biggest syntax error in history!

If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0.

Sector not found: (A)bort (R)etry (C)ommit suicide

Line noise provided by the FBI's BBS monitoring service

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts

"Put knot yore trussed in spel chequers!"

"When in doubt, tell the truth" - M. Twain


I say: He who stick head in open window gets pane in neck

Clinton Health Care/Tax Pkg: Tax the sick & healthy alike

This is where I park! See the oil spot?

Break up a relationship. Buy a computer!

I'm not stupid, my brain just needs to be defragmented!

Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface

Windows: from the same people who brought you Edlin!

Jimi's modem was a Purple Hayes

Jimi Hendrix's modem was a Purple Hayes

Things equal to nothing are equal to each other

Life is what happens while you are making plans

I tried DOS once, but I didn't inhale.

I tried DOS once, I inhaled deeply and enjoyed it!

Dijon Vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before

Kindness is like a boomerang, it usually comes back.

I have a dream .. C:> 937498127857679023 bytes free

The finite mind can not hope to understand the infinite

Choosey cats prefer Microsoft mice, 10 to 1.

Choosey cats prefer Logitech mice, 10 to 1.

Sufficient research will support any hypothesis

Q] You seen my Hog? A] Yup, she's at the bar buyin' more beer..

Mixed emotions:
Your mother-in-law going over a cliff on your Harley

Blessed are the pessimists.. for they make regular backups!

When your head is in the sand, your ass is the target.

God made whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world

(Ice rocks hit the hull) "Captain, we are being hailed."

You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think

"The Future may not be available as seen"

to receive a reply send a self-abused stomped elephant to...

If a program is useless, it will have to be documented

Cats: proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad.

I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

ANSI Artist's Do it on their Keyboard's.

A cat is always on the wrong side of the door.

Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.

I am Tweety of Borg. I tawt I attimilated a Puddy Tat.

"I shot the SysOp...But I meant to shoot the Moderator...."

"Stress" What you get from owning a computer!

Docs? Why would I want to look at the Docs. Nurses are better!

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor.

Life is but a dream ... and Please WAKE me up!

And Now for something Really Amazing! - Bullwinkle

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon [Yep/Nope]?

Bull is worshipped in India, and elected in the US.

You always get the most of whatever you need least

Sign Here x_______________________________________

Iraqi Bingo: B-52...F-16...A-10...F-18...F-117...B-2...

My other computer is a Commodore 64.

My other computer is an IBM 4.77 PC

Please hold. A representative will annoy you shortly.

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

Back up aborted: Please remove Disk #92 and start over.

Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner

OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"

What makes Teflon stick to the pan?

Hackers know all the right MOVs.

Instant Human: Just Add Coffee...

If it works, rip it apart and find out why!

Shh! Be vewy qwiet! I'm hunting wuntime ewwows!

Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty women?

I parked my hardrive - and got a ticket!

Only XT users know that January 1, 1980 was a Tuesday!

Taxation without hesitation is.....Bill Klinton!

Life is what's happening to you while you're making plans...

When a cow laughs real hard, does milk come out its nose?

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire...

Klingons have Ridges

WIN95: From the people who brought you EDLIN!

It is a astounding that curiosity survives formal education!

All taglines are busy... One will be with you shortly.

No! No! Nurse!!! I said "prick his boil"!

KEYBOARD: An instrument used to enter errors in computers.

Repunzel, Repunzel, ... turn on your modem.

I will not call the principal "spud head"

Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage

It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.

Be sure to use SET EXXON=VALDEZ to screw up your environment.

Wesley, where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket?

ERROR: reading POP-TART on drive A: Delete Kids (Y/N)?

Remember: Yesterday was the deadline for all Complaints

Fido's been bringing me messages. Good boy.

Formatting Universe, 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% complete.

All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.

Error 8598: Insufficient space for Tagline. Abort,Retry,Ignore.

Place coffee in Drive A and press any key...

The best way to fight a woman, use yr hat..grab it & run.

Friends come and go but enemies accumulate

Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!!

If it screams, it's not food, yet....

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

A social life? What board can I download THAT from?

A feature is a bug with seniority.

I have my dog's permission to use the computer.

I have my cat's permission to use the computer.

If you got gangrene of the scalp, would doctors amputate your head?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

All general statements are false

Blind people don't bungee jump.. It scares the dog.

Documentation - The worst part of programming.

Bill and Hillary: Dual air bags!

Things equal to nothing are equal to each other

"Sometimes I wake up grouchy...sometimes I let her sleep.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI

My other computer is a Borg.

Distance is irrelevant.  Pythagoras of Borg

All that is GOLD does not glitter.... JRR Tolkien

This BBS has achieved Air superiority.

"- = = _eta Testing an attitude with this one . . . = = -"

If you think OS/2 is 1/2 an operating system -- Win95 is 1/95th

Rugby players have odd shaped balls.

Half the truth is often a great lie.

!edis gnorw eht morf siht ta gnikool era uoY

If it can't be fixed with Vise-Grips & duct tape, it can't be fixed.

Feringi and the IRS...Tax collectors of the universe!

*CAUTION* Always unplug computer before typing "dlbspace"

A single fact can spoil a good argument.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

* <- Tribble # <- Electrocuted tribble.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering: Save all parts!

Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.

"Dammit Jim, she's dead! Get off her!" -- McCoy

2 wrongs don't make a right - but 3 lefts do!

.\../...|.../\...|/...\|/<-Time to Mow the Tagline again.

In God we trust. Bet you atheists really like that, huh?

A procrastinator's work is never done.

Confuse people...quote from the wrong message...

"Please buckle up BEFORE entering the Information SuperHighway"

Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.

I would strongly oppose apathy, if I cared...

Go straight to the docs. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200!

43% voted for Clinton, but few admit it now.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

ROM wasn't built in a day.

If it ain't broke yet, let me have a shot at it..

Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield.

Psst! Your .ZIP file is open!


IF dazzle<>'brilliance' THEN;SET V baffle='bullsh!t';END

Insert diskette in Drive C. Press [ENTER] to continue...

let length(Long_Walk) > length(Short_Pier)

ONLINE? Hit <ALT+H> for a quick I.Q. Test!

Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit.

Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.

printf("to C or not to C... that is the question/n");

REAL Programmers Don't Write Games.

REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

It's only a hobby... only a hobby... only...

My reality check just bounced.

Honey, what does 'Formatting Drive C:' mean?

So why did they go from PS/2 to PS/1???

I'm not super man. But I am very dense.

Backup my hard drive?! I can't find the reverse switch!

Mr. Worf fire pharsers at will! *ZAP* Hey where did Riker go?

What!?! This isn't the FILES section!

Windows- The fastest way to turn your 486 into a XT.

Silly rabbit, tricks are for hookers!

I wonder what this button does? *&^(&^)#@$*&_% NO CARRIER

I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy?

[<<] [>] [>>] [þ] [||] [|>]




if(crash) grab_ankles();kiss_xxx_goodbye()

shift key/ never heard of it1111

while(math_teacher() == talk) fall_asleep

(¯¯ÍÍÍÍ Cruising at 14,400 bps V42bis ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ>

³ºÞº³º³Û³ºÝ³ºÝ³³ <- Will "Hooked on Phonics" teach this?

çh‹ ‹ ”šâ m”ëîM éï ëâšgs

Where we operate at is a 90ø angle to reality.

Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head?

Beam me aboard, Scotty! How about A 2x4, sir??

Junior, quit playing with your floppy!

Modem, said the gardener when he'd finished the lawn.

Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...

#define flame_retardant I know you are, but what am I?

(((((This message in Stereo where available)))))

(A)bort, (F)ail, (T)oss computer across room

(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer

(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ue

(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)rab_Hammer

(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (K)ick system

(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic

(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ell it

A RAM is a terrible thing to waste.

Thou shall not kill, unless it's for dinner!

5¬" hard is better than 3«" floppy.

<< Politically Un-Corrct Tagline Deleted! >>

<Ctrl><Alt><Del> to read the next message

A .45 beats a royal flush EVERY TIME

A Dirty Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste

A Penny earned is a Penny owed (Probably to Uncle Sam)

A poor excuse is better than no excuse! <g>

ASCII stupid question...get a stupid ANSI.

Antenna coupling: insect foreplay

As easy as 1, 2, 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841

As easy as 1, 2, 3.141592653589793238462643383279502...

BBS 'till you drop - carrier

Backup is for whimps!

Beam me up Scotty. This isn't the men's room.

Become a programmer and never see the world!!!

Bush/Quayle ERROR: Division by zero.

But, I thought YOU did the backups...

Buy a IBM. It can do SOMETHING right.

C Programmers do it with models!


C code. C code run. Run, code, run.... PLEASE!

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

CGA is the pallete from hell

CONNECT 110?!? Help! I'm in s l o w m o t i o n !!

Can't wait for them 100Gb, 10ns drives!

Closed Captioned in HEX for Programmers.

Command Not Understood. . . Now erasing Hard Drive

Compiling...Linking...Dialing Copyright Lawyer...

Complaints? Write them here legibly [] <-

Daddy! Let me push a(*$#!@# NO CARRIER

Dammit no! Don't pick on the pho^$ L%‘#!°»

Do HD's sneeze when they catch a virus?

Docs....I don't need no stinkin' docs!

Don't Touch That Phone.. I'm On The Mode^%$#(*@(* NO CARRIER

Don't worry, I'm go‹ng t“ bƒckup t•d†æ­!&%#~%

Drive A: not responding.. .Formating C: instead

Error finding REALITY.SYS - Universe halted.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion, just ask me...

Feel good? Don't worry; you'll get over it!

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

For Sale: Dehydrated HýO - $14 per quart

Go ahead...MAKE MY DOWNLOAD!!!

Elvis isn't dead, he's just shelled to DOS.

H y! Wh r did my " " k y go?

HELP! My hard drive crashed & I can't boot up

He who dies with the most software WINS!

He who dies with the most hardware WINS!

Hey, whats that beeping noise? Wheres that smoke coming from?

I wish I could remember where I parked my hard disk....

I despise WINDOWS!

I won't use Windows, I won't use Windows, I won't....

ILLITERATE? Write for a free brochure...

If it wasn't for C, we'd be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL

In Borland you are never bored!

In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.

Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF

Install failed. Attempting to transfer virus to c:

Is HST faster than the Concord?

It said "Insert disk #3", but only 2 will fit!

It's not a BUG, it's an undocumented feature!



Keyboard is unattached. Press F10 to continue

Keyboard locked..Press F1 to continue

Long live the C64! G-g-guys? I was only kiddin, <BANG!!>

Make way!, Make way!, A PROGRAMMER HAS ARRIVED!!

Make way!, Make way!, A TECHIE HAS ARRIVED!!

Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so.

Most political jokes get elected.

My last original thought died of loneliness.

I'm not a computer nerd; merely a Computer Jock.

OS/2: What Windows will NEVER BE!

Real Programmers don't repeat themselves, they LOOP

Reality.Sys corrupted -- Reboot Universe (Y/N)?

Reformat Hard Drive! Are you SURE (Y/Y)?

Scotty! Hurry! Beam me uragg^*ú)(@$þœ NO CARRIER

This is an egg. This is a frying pan. Any questions?

This is your sysop. Âô­s s ˜ouô sËsop ¢¤ ëçug‘.

To Ski or Not to Ski... THAT is the Question!

WARNING: Programmer X-ing

WHAT??? Give up C:\> for silly ICONS?

WHeRe is ThaT DArN ShIfT keY?


Windows: From the people who brought you the 640K limit.

Windows? HA! C:\WINDOWS. DELETE *.* AH! Thats Better <g>


I program, therefore I am.

I'm a programmer, I don't do COBOL.

Is this bullsh!t or fertilizer?

My computer can beat up your computer.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Don't vote. It incourages them!

Bet my floppy's bigger than yours.

I maybe fat, but your ugly-and I can lose weight!

Old Skiers never die. They just go downhill.

Old Skiers never die. They just take "the fall line"...

Black holes suck!

I thank my lucky stars I'm not superstitious.

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Psycotic Farmer -the magazine THEY don't want us to print

PETA: People for Eating Tasty Animals

Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm)

He's dead Jim. You take his phaser, I'll take his wallet!

Buy a 486-66 you can reboot faster...

Windows NT: Only 16 megs needed to play Minesweeper!

Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.

A WISE MAN ONCE SAID: Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

BUFFERS=7 FILES=5, 2nd Down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

He does the work of 3 Men...Moe, Larry & Curly!

Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage

I'm McMahon of Borg. You may already have been assimilated.


I wired my washer backwards, now it spits out extra socks!

Drink till she's cute. Stop before you get married.

People say I'm indecisive. Am I? I don't know.

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Carter didn't kill America.. but Clinton just might!

German Prune Cookie? Phartfignewton...

Of course I can do it!...The question is, do I want to?!?

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Ensgin Expendable, step on that rock! - Kirk

Cannibals don't eat clowns cuz they taste funny.

"Careful, We don't want to learn from this." Calvin

MONEY TALKS ... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!

I said "fool-proof", NOT "stupid-proof"!

If you don't know the question, don't answer.....

Gun's don't kill people - - it's the holes.

File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting.

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day...

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Hey Rocky, watch me pull a tagline outta this hat!

Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.

Holy Boot Sector, Bat Man!!!

No! No! Nurse!!! I said "prick his boil"!

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Dear Aunt Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, took the dog. -Dorothy.

1... There's always one in every crowd.

The world is coming to an end. Please log-off.

I shook my family tree and a bunch of nuts fell out!

Intel is one of Silicon Valley's top toxic waste polluters.

New Mail not found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N)

I think I think, therefore I think I am. I think.

California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.

The human body, with proper care, will last a lifetime.

Never make the same mistake twice, make all of them once!

The past is not what it will be.

Even if you win the rat race; you're still a rat!

Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly goes right to the bone.

I let my mind wander once... It never returned!

Too bad the genepool has no lifeguard...

We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.

Jimmy Carter - No longer our worst president.

I don't have the time for a hobby. I have a computer.

Incoming fire has the Right Of Way!

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Time flies like wind. Fruit flies like pears.

Click..Click..Click..Damn! Out of taglines!

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Virus check complete. All viruses functioning normally.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Gun control is being able to hit your target!

Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up.

Tag line thievery... On the next Geraldo!

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

Bigomy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same idea.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere!

Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.

Reality-ometer: [\........] Hmmph! Thought so...

Anything demonstrated for a repairman will work perfect.

Oxymoron: intelligent fight.

The Magic of Windows: Turns a P6 into an XT.

If you can't make it good, make it big.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

CONSTIPATION - To have and to hold.

What is a (static) tag line anyway??? ....static?????

"A right DELAYED is a right DENIED." - Martin Luther King

A closed mouth gathers no feet...

If vegetarians eat vegetables,..beware of humanitarians

This is an egg... this is an egg on a DX2-66...

BWa(hic) BWa(hic) Oflione Male Reeder
[My computer is too drunk to drive]

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

FOR SALE CHEAP Parachute, used once, never opened

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers!

Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight

Is that a new dealy with the thingy attached?

Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion.

I'm not corrupt, I'm ethically challenged...:)

Bagpipe - a flute built to government specs.

Sometimes we need to walk in others shoes before telling them how they should walk.

The only "terrorists" in this country carry badges.

Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes!

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

All in favor of telekineseis, raise my hands.

"- = = _eta Testing an attitude with this one . . . = = -"

I was having a bad day and got a brain cramp. Sorry

Gross anatomy - the study of ugly people.

Most political jokes get elected.

My last original thought died of loneliness.

I'm not a computer nerd; merely a Computer Jock.

OS/2: What Windows will NEVER BE!

Programmers don't repeat themselves, they LOOP

Reality.Sys corrupted -- Reboot Universe (Y/N)?

Reformat Hard Drive! Are you SURE (Y/Y)?

Scotty! Hurry! Beam me uragg^*ú)(@$þœ NO CARRIER

This is an egg. This is a frying pan. Any questions?

This is your sysop. Âô­s s ˜ouô sËsop ¢¤ ëçug‘.

To Ski or Not to Ski THAT is the Question!

WARNING: Programmer X-ing

WHAT??? Give up C:\> for silly ICONS?

WHeRe is ThaT DArN ShIfT keY?


Windows: From the people who brought you the 640K limit.

Windows? HA! C:\WINDOWS. DELETE *.* AH! Thats Better <g>


I program, therefore I am.

I'm a programmer, I don't do COBOL.

Is this bullsh!t or fertilizer?

My computer can beat up your computer.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Don't vote. It incourages them!

Bet my floppy's bigger than yours.

I maybe fat, but your ugly-and I can lose weight!

Old Skiers never die. They just go downhill.

Black holes suck!

I thank my lucky stars I'm not superstitious.

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Psycotic Farmer -the magazine THEY don't want us to print

PETA: People for Eating Tasty Animals

Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm)

He's dead Jim. You take his phaser, I'll take his wallet!

Buy a 486-66 you can reboot faster...

Windows NT: Only 16 megs needed to play Minesweeper!

Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.

I'm sorry, reality is not in service at this time.

A WISE MAN ONCE SAID: Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

Everyone has a photographic memory, some don't have film, & of those with film, most are black & white!

"Captain, permission to beam Mr. Crusher 50 meters off the port bow?"

Life would be easier if I had the source code.

Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.

Why be Politically Correct, when you can be right?

"Mister Worf, show these children the airlock." - Picard

BlueWave mail door not found. Run sysop out of town? (Y/n)

If things get any worse, I'm going to have to ask you to stop helping

This oOo tagline has oOo a lot of oOo bugs in oOo it ..

Love is a long term investment, not a quick return loan!

In GOD we trust, all others pay cash!

After we pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is NOT our friend!

Schizophrenia beats dining alone. -- Unknown

You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Do device drivers need a chauffeur's license?

I think, therefore I'm overqualified !!!

A mouse is an elephant built in Japan.

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL! Send $9.95 for info.

*NO CARRIER* -- Naval Aviator's worst nightmare!

All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.

A feature is a bug with seniority.

My computer never locks u

Where the heck is the ANY key????

ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ...Tension breaker, had to be done.

ASCII stupid question... get a stupid ANSI!


All the world is indeed a stage... Shakespeare

Of course I can do it!...The question is, do I want to?!?

Kids will go where we go, not where we point!

Okay, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going?

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

"Windows" is NOT a virus!! Viruses *DO* something!

Never test for an error you don't know how to handle.

Sysoping: Not just an adventure, it's a job..

He's ALIVE, Jim. Where did I go wrong?

RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory

Sex is natural, but not if it's done right.

System error - Press F13 to continue...

Then again, I think the driver's seat is for driving only.

"There's never a cop around when you need one." A. Capone

Cranial Input Error: Line Status Register 02

DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something...

DisneyLand: A people trap operated by a mouse.

QUESTION AUTHORITY - before you're not allowed to...

and eaons hence, they shall ask their forefathers, "Micro what?"

Misspelled? Impossible. Error correcting modem!

One good turn... Gets all the blankets!

How do blonde brain cells die? Alone.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Einstein

Biochemists wear designer genes.

You learn something useless every day.

3 reasons for being a teacher: June, July, August

Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.

Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.

Humor is to life as shocks are to the car.

People will believe anything that's whispered.

Any solution to a problem alters the problem.

The Truth Is Out There!

Creditors have much better memories than debtors.

SLEEP: that fleeting moment just before the alarm.

The most abundant items: 1) Hydrogen 2) Stupidity.

EARTH FIRST!! (we'll log the other planets later!)

Urinalysis - The study of Pissed Off People.

Will Rogers never met Rush Limbaugh.

Operator...give me the number for 911, quick!

Never Moon A Werewolf

CCITT- Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today

I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory.

Rejection: when your imaginary friend won't talk to you.

* * * <- Tribbles o o o <- Tribbles wearing condoms.

Sometimes I forget and burn before I pillage.

"Have a nice day!" "No thanks, I have other plans."

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

DIME: a "Democrat" dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Support your local medical examiner; die strangely.

Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!


A stranger is only a friend that you have yet to meet.

You can never have to many friends.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?

Everyone Out for Volleyball in 10 Minutes!

Just what *is* a superprompt critical power excursion?

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere!

Adam & Eve sugar farmers? Yes! They raised Cain.

Trying to find myself... Anyone seen me lately?

This tagline is SHAREWARE! To register, FAX $10 to tagline below.

Curiosity didn't kill the cat. I got 'im with the mower!

Heck is reserved for those who don't believe in Gosh.

Corrupt REALITY.SYS: Reboot Universe (Y/n)?

Pentiums: Melts in your PC, not in your hand!

Pooot ze Candle beck!!!!

Before you kick a sleeping dog have a plan for when it wakes up!

Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage

What distinguishes an PC from a boat anchor? Segment registers.

Keyboard not found, think "F1" to continue.

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is...dead, Jim.

Those who trade liberty for security, recieve neither.

$ not found: A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy.

For sale, Parachute. Used once. Opens on impact.

"BREAKFAST.COM halted. Cereal port not responding."

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Warp 5 ::: engage. No, no, Mr. Data, more clutch!

Spock/Data 1996: The Logical Choice.

i Am HOldINg YouR mAiL HoStaGe. SeNd $1000 tO mY nOdE...

Macintosh: An Etch-A-Sketch you don't have to shake.

Behind every great man is an amazed mother-in-law!

Can't have evrything. Where would you put it?

But you misunderstand, I am the MASTER. . .

Logic means arriving at wrong conclusions with assurance.

For a good prime, call 391581 * 2^216193 - 1

I wonder who All is, and why he gets so many messages ..

RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory

Live long and pros... OUCH! Damned Arthritis!

Go straight to the docs. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200!

Classified tagline. Please enter password: _

I am wealthy in my friends. - Shakespeare

Put off procrastinating till a later time.

Scotty, Warp 5! But Captain, we're low on comedians!

Why be normal ???

Bill Clinton: Two presidents for the price of one.

I've got a Mickey Mouse PC with a Goofy operating system.

Horn for finger.

On a clear Disk - you can Seek Forever.

All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and UNLIMITED POWER.

COMPUTER.COM installed. SEXLIFE.EXE removed from memory.

IBM PC Computers all wait at the same speed!

This tagline is password protected. To view type Ctrl-Alt-Del.

A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking.

Chicken little only has to be right once.

Think for Yourself or the Government will do it for you.

WARNING!! There is an electron gun aimed right at your face.

A statesman shears the sheep; the politician skins them.

To excel at what you do, you must love doing it.

Eternity.... Smoking or Non Smoking?

The truth is more important than the facts.

SHIN - A device for finding furniture in the dark.

and eaons hence, they shall ask their forefathers, "Micro what?"

Twit Filter On sir, but its not working, sir. What now? SIR...?

Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere.

How do you know it's summer in Seattle? The rain's warmer.

Girls + Boys = sex - Love = divorce,which = no sex B.M.L.

Do you also have Freudian panties to go with that slip?

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

I am Dyslexic of Borg. Prepare to have your ass laminated!

Status Quo: Latin for "the mess we're in."

"NO FEAR"?!? You know neither the issues nor the consequences!

VISE - Anything you enjoy that is bad for you.

What do we have here? MEGAHARD! Microsoft in reverse.

Avoid computer Virus' - practice safe HEX.

A mouse is an elephant built in Japan.

Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.

You always get the most of whatever you need least.

Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes!

Help! I'm trapped at 0D1C:01DA.

My hard disk went on a diet and lost it's FAT.

"Hi Rex! I'm Barney! Would you be my...." **CHOMP**

"Hello ", lied the politician.

Exercise your right to arm and keep bears!

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit our debt.

Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you are.

Push Keiko. Push. Push Keiko. Push. PUSH! - Worf.

No you can't call 911 NOW, I'm downloading my mail!

Firmness in politics is called obstinacy in a donkey.

Laugh in the face of death, then RUN!

Why DID kamikaze pilots wear helmets anyways?!

Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?

Danger, All! Off-topic messages! Danger!

We all live in a yellow subroutine.

If it works, something went wrong.

5:10 A.M. already? I just started reading my mail...

Beauty * brains = a constant.

I am Pentium of Borg, division is futile.

Entropy just isn't what it used to be.

If I were rich my butler would answer my mail.

Berra's rule: You can observe a lot just by watching.

This tagline is umop apisdn.

I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?

Lipstick: What you get when you kiss an icecube.

Beeep ... Beeep ... Beeep ... (Backing up my hard drive.)

Never fight with a bear in his own cave.

I border on that fine line between insanity and craziness.


Save fuel. Get cremated with a friend.

Time is but a constant, forever going forward.

"Due to a mixup in Urology, orange juice will not be served today!"

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Life was much easier before that fool invented the rake.

Time: It's just a chronological problem.

Press <Alt-A> to Adopt Me! I need a better home.

Architecture is the art of how to waste space.

Sysop! Your BBS gave me a "Printer out of paper" error!

Modem sex begins with a handshake!

Veni, Vidi, Velcro - (I came, I saw, I stuck around)

An Electrician gets into people's shorts!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car.

Love-Lust 'whats the difference?' (at 3am)

I multitask .... I read in the bathroom.

Avoid computer Virus - practice safe HEX.

My other computer is a VAX.

Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Wise man once say: *Never* register anything that is v1.00.

586, 32Mb 40ns RAM, 4Gb 2ms HD. Now Windows will beat DOS!

DANGER! DANGER! Computer store ahead...hide wallet.

Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror.

Never hit a man with glasses. Be smart, use your fist.

I threw caution to the wind. It threw it back. I ducked.

Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF.

Incoming fire always has the right-of-way.

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.

"Time sure flies when you're married and have no life.." Al Bundy

This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x.

And on the 8th day, God said 'OK, Murphy, you take over".

He said KUNG FU!..I said M-16..He said Peace Brother!!!

A KGB keyboard has no <ESC> key.

If code was meant to be portable, it'd have wheels

If all else fails, read the directions!

If all goes well, you've overlooked something!

If idiots could fly, this would be an airport!!!

If (Dog_bark = true) then letter:=arrived;

A little greed can get you lots of stuff.


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Marvelous... How easily humans do that. * Data.

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers!

Cogito ergo spud: I think therefore I yam.

Mail your ideas written on the back of a $20 bill to...

Infinity = one lawyer waiting for another.

Never try to replicate a successful experiment.

I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

This Tagline is temporarily out of order. Please use the stairs.

I'm trying to find myself. Has anyone seen me lately?

If the door is Baroque, jiggle the Handel Bach and forth!


Ignorance is temporary; stupidity is forever.

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit our debt.

We've secretly replaced the dilithium with new Folgers crystals.

Motorola makes chips, I fry 'em.

I have a mind like a know...doohicky...

Battle plans are only good until the first shot is fired.

Eliminate organized crime; abolish Congress!

Eliminate organized crime; abolish Government!

Old MacDonald had a computer, with EIA I/O...

Is infinity odd or even?

A job is nice but it interferes with my life.

If (Wife = "yes") then (MONEY = "Gone") else Single

A laugh is a Smile with a Soundtrack.

World's 4th biggest lie: "One size fits all"

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If a cluttered desk shows a cluttered mind,what does an empty desk show?

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)lap nearest innocent bystander.

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?

If you're waiting For someone or something to show you the way try another ECHO....

Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the payment is due.

A good listener not only is popular everywhere but also, after a while, knows something.

Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

We'll make him listen to whiny protest songs from the sixties!!!

A smile, slightly dangerous, touches my face for just a moment.

URA Redneck if the taillight covers on your car are made of tape.

My old car didn't have a horn, but on the front it said DODGE.

You are not worthless - you can always be used as a bad example.

The Energizer Bunny was arrested! He was charged with BATTERY...

I call things as I see them. If I don't see them I make it up!

War doesn't determine who's right, war determines who's left.

If you're not the lead dog, the view can be very interesting!
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No. of Recommendations: 6
The Boards could handle it, but will anyone read the whole thing? All 3500+ lines?

Who thought the Win95, DOS and PS/2 jokes were a little outdated...

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...if for no other reason but to document. Easy to copy/paste...

IIRC, there was a line limit here, at one point... Like 150 lines? ...pre-2k?

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I’ll read a section daily :). It will be like a laugh a day thing. :)
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