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http://www.avantnews.com/modules/news/article.php?storyid=134
BakbakBNAK!! schHneeeeBORTTT Signs With Eagles

After 42 seconds of intense negotiation, the Philadephia Eagles signed their top pick in the 2146 NFL draft, bakbakBNAK!! schHneeeeBORTTT, the mercurial wideout from a remote planetoid in the whooooooOOOOOGoMMMM!!! Galaxy and Georgia Tech, to a five-year, $574 million contract.

"We're excited that bakbakBNAK!! schHneeeeBORTTT is on board," says Eagles coach Lou Pendergast. "We're gonna throw downfield more this season, and we think bakbakBNAK!! schHneeeeBORTTT will contribute right away. The kid's got tentacles."

"bneeebneeBNAK!!schniiiiimmmm GLORK, shcmthshthrghmthhhhh," drooled the 4'7" 562-megaton speedster, whose stock soared after clocking a blistering 4.08 40-yard dash at the NFL combine in Tampa. Georgia Tech teammate DeShon Jackson, who signed with Denver last week, concurs. "bakbak's got heart, man. One time in practice, our QB threw an interception, and the cornerback had, like, thirty yards on everbody, and bakbak comes out of nowhere, dude. Just ate him up. Right on the ten-yard line. Even the helmet. It was sick. You can't teach that, dude."
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bakbakBNAK!! schHneeeeBORTTT also reported that he has already purchased a house in neighboring Bala Cynwyd, and looks forward to joining the Philadelphia Eagles community. He will not return punts.
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