No. of Recommendations: 16
I have been a registered Fool for over a decade now, dispensing my own version of unhelpful advice and opinion on the public boards as well as the premium services. I has always been a struggle to afford the subscriptions as most of my investable assets are in tax-advantaged accounts such as my Traditional IRA, 401k, SEP IRA, Roth IRA.

But for the last couple of months, I have been living a lie. I have been deceiving you, TMF and everyone but my closest friends and family. And I mean the really closest. (Hint: If you aren't complaining that I don't pick up the socks in the morning, you are not that close). This was such a big secret, I did not dare let the cat out of the bag until I had all my ducks in a row.

In January, my life changed forever.

In January, during a pilgrimage to Las Vegas to see every Cirque du Soleil show in 7 days or less, I played the state lottery.

I won the state lottery.

I won big.


That's $450 million dollars. $0.45 billion smackers. Enough treasure to turn Jack Sparrow's comps in my direction. Well, $337.5 million after the IRS took its automatic 25%. But let's not begrudge the poor.

Amazingly, I was the only one with the correct numbers: 42 27 16 9 34 22 49 and the snake eyes, 11 and 38, which means I won the whole jackpot.

Suddenly spending hundreds of dollars to see LOVE, Ka, O, Zumanity, Elvis and more didn't seem that expensive. Nor was the $500 I lost playing slots in the casinos. I never play the card games or roulette - gambling is just like throwing your money away, but a $5 ticket in the hotel gift store didn't seem that out of line.

Now I have a slightly different perspective. Oh don't get me wrong - I have taken all my Foolish lessons to heart. Being rich hasn't changed me. Not so that you would notice, anyway. I didn't buy the Tesla Roadster new - I bought it used from a guy who overextended himself during the recession and couldn't keep the payments up. And I kept my townhome as a rental after moving into my modest 7 bedroom FuskiePad™ on Atlanta's Peachtree Road.

But the majority of the money, and this is what has taken so long to arrange, with all the bankers, lawyers, business managers and such, the majority of my lottery winnings has been invested in my retirement. No, even though I am somewhere between young and old, I am not ready to sit on my laurels. And I am not going to let someone else manage my money for me. I am going to turn to the people I trust the most and go into the business of managing my money.

I have purchased The Motley Fool.

That's right, I bought Dave and Tom Gardner out.

What better way for me to ensure that my fortune will grow than to place it in the hands of the guys who guided the Million Dollar Portfolio through the Great Recession? Who invest in small caps, internationally, for dividend, for value, contrarian, and a good ol' fashioned showdown between two teams guided by the brothers themselves? To know that my money is being guided through the world of options, shorts, and a special organization called Special Ops which I cannot say anything more about (or they will shoot me).

This is a team of professionals who are so confident they can do right by you that they put up their own money into their real money portfolios. Well, it's my money now, but you get the idea.

I am keeping the same analyst teams intact (with the exception that TMFInvestorJoe cannot step within 100' of a Chipotle) and promise the subscription prices will not change for at least the next two years. But the Annual Meeting will be moving to the Tara Conference Center in Atlanta. I will be offering discount rooms at my new hotel, the Casa de Fuskie located in downtown Atlanta between Turner Field and Philips Arena, home of the Atlanta Braves and Atlanta Thrashers.

I had wanted to purchase both teams for myself so I could get dugout and rinkside seats, but the Gardners drove a hard bargain and I just couldn't spare the change.

Speaking of which, Tom and Dave will be staying on in an advisory capacity, although Tom will be retiring to his island just south of the Bahamas. He loves the cigars there and it turns out that the old dictator fell to an insurrection that nobody paid any attention to, so Tom was able to get a really good reconstruction deal.

In any case, Tom will be my public persona for television appearances, and David, well, Tom was right, he really does have the face for radio. David will have a second job carrying around my FuskiePad™ 64GB 6G tablet computer streaming live Braves games off my satellite in an exclusive marketing deal with Major League Baseball. Oh, BTW, you may see a few more ads for baseball on the TMF web site, the podcasts and the new TMF app for iPhone, Android and those Redmond Nokia devices.

But in my years here on The Motley Fool, what I have enjoyed the most is interacting with my fellow Fools. Well, most of you, anyway. Almost all of you. In any case, I wanted to share with you my good fortune so I am announcing today a really cool contest that all of you can enter. It's the Fuskie Goes To Duke Street contest.

That's right, I am giving away 20 Duke Street memberships to Fools who go to my discussion board, Fuskie's Town Hall Exposition, and post an essay of 450 words or more, describing how Fuskie is the coolest dude in the whole wide world. Just kidding.

To win the Fuskie Goes To Duke Street contest, just tell me how you would run The Motley Fool if you were me, because I am me and I can do anything I want with TMF now. TMF1000 will be the sole judge and arbiter of this contest, since Tom has so much free time on his hands. I mean seriously, the dude is more stingy with words than Scroodge was with his golden eggs.

To enter the Fuskie Goes To Duke street contest, just go to Fuskie's Town Hall Exposition and post in the contest thread:

But there is a price to pay. I am a magneficent ruler but this is the real world so nothing is truly free. In order to be awarded your free Duke Street subscriptions, the 20 winners will have to consent to partake and appear in my new reality TV documentary series, which will begin production this summer.

You may have seen the new series Secret Millionaire where people with more money than they know what to do with spend 5 days in the dirty gutters of America's grungiest cities and towns, become amazed at how the little people manage to survive their miserable lives, and then write out tens of thousands of dollars in checks to show they are really nice guys who realize now they have a responsibility to the rest of humanity.

Well, if you have noticed, the people chosen for this show are all self-made men and women seeking their 15 minutes of fame who don't have corporate boards or institutional shareholders to answer to or whom might be embarassed by their leader's cluelessness on how to live on only $50 a week (they don't know how to either but they are smart enough not to put themselves into embarrasing positions where that fact is revealed on national TV) or risk being slammed for the implication that the deeply rooted problems in our society can be solved just by throwing money at them.

My reality TV documentary series won't be like that. I am going to flip the concept on its rear and instead produce The Poorest Millionaire. In this version, an every day middle class shlemiel (the Fools who win the Fuskie Goes To Duke Street contest) get to spend one week amongst the jet set to see how the other other half lives. That's right, you get to hob nob with Paris, meet Charlie Sheen's connections, take a bath in Warren Buffet's tub, pick the brain of Biz Stone, picnic with Mark Zuckerberg ('s assistant) and spend the day with Anderson Cooper.

And when your week is done, you get to send bills in the amounts of tens of thousands of dollars to the rich people whose lives made you feel the most insigificant and in doing so made you realize the true Foolish value of what you already have. It's a sure ratings winner and the revenue that will come from this show will help fund my savings goal to eventually purchase the Braves and Thrashers.

So don't just sit around re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in preparation for the second half of the seventh movie coming out next month. Get over to Fuskie's Town Hall Exposition and submit your entry for the Fuskie Goes To Duke Street contest. Not only could you take up residence at Duke Street (to be renamed Fuskie Street as soon as the local authorities approve the change), but you could become the next reality TV flash in the pan!'

To enter the Fuskie Goes To Duke street contest, just go to Fuskie's Town Hall Exposition and post in the contest thread:

Who notes that all plans announced in this message are forward thinking and may or may not bear any resemblance to actual events that may have taken place or will possibly take place in the future...
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