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And that we're now able to discuss homeschooling on the parenting board, http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=25903820&sort=whole#25911368 . With any luck, people will start to open up, and we'll be able to discuss whether children are better served by day-care or having a SAHM, as well.

martybl
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we'll be able to discuss whether children are better served by day-care or having a SAHM, as well.


only if they are exclusively breastfed, corporally punished (spankings all round!), and allowed to watch cartoons and violent TV (4-6 hours a day), while being raised as croc-wearing vegans who are never allowed to date...

peace & calm discussion
t
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The best thing about the homeschool versus not, and daycare versus SAHM debates is: it depends.

It just depends. Each case is unique, and unfortunately some folks feel it's an attack on *their* method for someone else to do it a different way.

Which simply amazes me, because even in between the 4 kids my sister and I have, they are all so different that a situation that would be perfect for one would be disasterous for another. Since there are a total of 4 to worry about, there is a sort of compromise reached that works pretty darned good for all.

Example: both my kids are social beings. Even if I were a SAHM, I would spend a majority of my day in group settings. And, once they reached school age, they would be attending public school.

Nephew is NOT very social. Sure, he plays well with others, but it wears him out. He's a classic introvert. He went to daycare/preschool part time, so that he would get socialized and Little Sis could get some sleep (she works nights). He is now in public school kindergarten. Niece, his baby sister, seems to take more after my kids, and will probably go to at least part time care when she starts walking, and maybe even full time at some point after that. Again, public school is the end result.

Absolutely none of the above choices is an indictment against those that homeschool, stay at home, or use private schools. It's simply what works best for us all, including the kids.

impolite
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The best thing about the homeschool versus not, and daycare versus SAHM debates is: it depends.

It just depends. Each case is unique, and unfortunately some folks feel it's an attack on *their* method for someone else to do it a different way.


Unfortunately, a rabid poster saying that anyone who ever wants a break from their children is a horrible heartless mom who should never have had children doesn't help with keeping conversations civil.
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Unfortunately, a rabid poster saying that anyone who ever wants a break from their children is a horrible heartless mom who should never have had children doesn't help with keeping conversations civil.

I can see where it would hinder the conversation a tad. ;)

You know what I think it weird? Parents that *don't* want breaks from their kids. It smacks of emotional overinvolvement. Not only would it cause the parents to be whacked-out loonies, but it would make the kids completely unable to socialize with other humans and know that they can make it on their own, without their parents around.

And as the goal of raising children is to end up with functioning citizens, one would think teaching independence could come in handy.

impolite
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a ... poster saying that anyone who ever wants a break from their children is a horrible heartless mom


wow, i didn't know Mrs fingers was allowed to use the internet....

peace & five thousand
t


mom who would really rather be home than working 1600 miles away (bad mom, bad, bad mom)

ps. Who else watched Kid Nation?
that little Jimmy kid who left, put red hair and rounder cheeks on him and you have the elf. I almost cried watching him be homesick.
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You know what I think it weird? Parents that *don't* want breaks from their kids.

I think for that poster, homeschooling also has a bit to do with protection of her children.
She is trying to protect them from something(s) that she endured as a child.
She has said sleeps with her daughters whenever they have anyone else staying in their home.
No one who hasn't had a bad experience would find those safety measures necessary.

peace & background
t
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No one who hasn't had a bad experience would find those safety measures necessary.

Right. And I am sure she is doing them out of a need to do so, for her own peace of mind.

Great! Fabulous, even.

BUT, to say that others AREN'T being good parents because they don't feel the same need? Twisted.

I am sure I do things with and for my kids that result from my childhood. I could probably even name a few off the top of my head. BUT I do not think others are wrong for NOT doing those things.

Maybe it's because I have so many extended family members and family friends that are treated like family, and interacted with them fairly frequently as a child. I saw many different variations on discipline, schooling, religion, etc., and all the kids turned out fine. <shrug>

impolite
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I've been told by people that I was a horrible parent because I didn't stay in the hospital with DS when he was there, and that's what good parents do. It didn't seem to matter that he was in a NICU, or that he was in for 28 weeks or that I had another baby of the same age at home who needed care.

I've resigned myself to being a terrible parent based on the values of that board. I didn't quit my job to stay home and raise the babies - no matter that I was the only one in the house who even had a job when they were born and who had steady employment for the next 6 years while DH bounced around from job to job. I didn't breastfeed - you can't breastfeed 28-weekers successfully in most casese. I put my kids in daycare. I even send them to PUBLIC school - no matter that we have one of the best school districts in the state and are a model district that has received numerous awards, and that I opted to run for School Committee twice to help ensure that our district stays on top.

My child has ADHD and a learning disability, and <gasp> I actually medicate him as it does help him. Clearly, he must have these things because I'm a bad mother.

I'm also at all their school events, have led Cub Scouts, Brownies, and now Girl Scouts, and have coached a soccer team for a few seasons, but on that board, none of that counts or is even acknowledged simply because I choose not to be a SAHM.

I don't care what others do, but it does bother me that because I choose not to do the same things for my kids, that makes me a bad parent. Fortunately, I learned a long time ago that it doesn't much matter what other folks think about me. It only matters that I do the best I can and make the right decisions for my own family.
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Fortunately, I learned a long time ago that it doesn't much matter what other folks think about me. It only matters that I do the best I can and make the right decisions for my own family.

I think there are a few bad seeds on every board. FWIW, I (and probably the vast majority of posters here and there) think quite highly of you and especially of your parenting skills.

sjfans
(Works from home yet sends her child to daycare - how bad of a parent does that make me!)
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it does bother me that because I choose not to do the same things for my kids, that makes me a bad parent.


And therein lies the rub. See, 2gifts, if you had stayed in the hospital with your son, managed to nurse both of your 28-weekers exclusively, been a SAHM, homeschooled your kids or sent them to private school and didn't medicate your son for ADHD...you'd still get grief from people.

I've always said that no matter what i do - parenting and otherwise - someone, somewhere's going to have a problem with it. Like you, i have to let it go because there are many other things i'd rather spend my time on.
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I don't care what others do, but it does bother me that because I choose not to do the same things for my kids, that makes me a bad parent.

There are a lot of people out there with really poor self esteem. They handle it in various ways, but I really think one of them is to take the approach that anyone who has a belief different than theirs, or makes a choice differently, is a bad person. If those people are bad then they must be good and virtuous, right?

Parenting is just another easy way to manifest this personality trait.
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I don't know if any of you read Dooce, but she has a really great post today on this exact topic, just with a different example:

http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/09_20_2007.html
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I love Dooce. She makes me feel much better about the mother I think I would be. (Go away! I'm reading!)

B
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I love Dooce. She makes me feel much better about the mother I think I would be. (Go away! I'm reading!)

I think we have all been fed the line of crap that a child should get undivided, constant attention.

Frankly, I think all this does is allow the child to think they *deserve* constant undivided attention, simply by function of being alive. This would lead to these kids growing up and feeling entitled to such, as well.

So I think it's perfectly acceptable that they are taught they do not get to dictate what mommy does and when she does it. If I am busy doing something else, you may request I stop and play with you, but cannot throw a tantrum if I say no.

Of course, children do need attention, but it doesn't NOT need to be constant. That would just create a whiny brat that thinks it should get it's way all the time. Life ain't fair, and all that.

I think kids also need to learn to entertain themselves. If they never spend time alone, how will they learn that? They will be forever plaqued with boredom, if they do not learn that no one else needs to be paying attention to them, for them to be having fun. They can pick up a book, build a castle, color a picture, etc. all by themselves.

So, if Mommy is reading a book, play by yourself already. It usually helps for me to give them a timeline, like "I will be reading an hour, and you will be playing". Then tell them what numbers will be on the clock when it's time to pester me again.

Also a confession: I did not enjoy the amount of time it took to get Q to and from t-ball practice and games. I am reasonably sure I will beyotch and moan about such shuttling until such a time he is old enough to drive himself. I'm clearly not cut out to have an athletic child.

impolite
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