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Good question....How do you deal with the guilt over the fact that without me she really IS alone?

She is only as alone as she feels. Maybe you should encourage her to get out, meet new people. Offer to pay for a membership, but don't just give her money willy-nilly. Help her find some hobby, an interest that will get her back on her feet and to reality again. Something that she will enjoy. Once people join groups, I've noticed, they tend to be happier and have a spark to their life that wasn't there previously. You don't have to spend an inordinate amount of time on these things though, just guide her to resources that could help her get out.

I know that my ex hasn't tried any of this with his mother (and she recently moved to within 20 minutes of his job(!) and expects to see him at least twice a week, which ain't happenin'! Next time I talk with him, I may suggest it!)

Who knows, she may find that she's missing out on alot by not getting our of her pity party once she starts finding a hobby.

I also think it's good that she's seeing a counselor, but if he's telling her that her problems aren't caused by her, she needs to FIRE him! Counselors are not supposed to cause people's problems, but to help them sort them out without making decisions for them. He sounds like a real quack.

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