Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
No. of Recommendations: 53

This is in response to your request for advice on how to deal with your feelings for the engaged woman at your workplace.

First of all, please understand that you are addicted to the functional equivalent of heroin. You have written this post in the throes of deprivation. She is depriving you of the fix you need and you are in deep pain. I get it. I've been there (LONG TIME AGO).

The second thing you need to understand is the true nature of kindness and generosity. She is neither, despite your statement in your third- to-last paragraph that she is both. Were she truly kind, truly generous, she would never have dreamed of flirting with another man while she was engaged. Kind and generous people do not do what she has been doing. You also state she is personable. Of course she is. That's part and parcel of charisma. Plenty of people are high in charisma and low in character. You need to understand that even were she to leave her fiance, and come running to you, she is actually no one you want to touch with a ten-foot pole.

The third thing: you must take very seriously an online dating service in order to spend time on meeting other women. May I suggest "" because it is easy to join and to handle ("e-harmony" is not for you right now).

Get busy -- and believe me, "Match" can be very time-consuming, which is exactly what you need right now (something/anything to help take your mind off her) -- get busy writing your profile. You will feel now like writing for your profile, "I am a loser and have nothing to offer," but work with your friends and/or closest family members and put together an unpretentious and positive profile of yourself. Then take out your credit card and join the thing. Send them a photo or two or more of yourself. And you will soon be in contact with many women. You will SEE that out there, beyond the walls of your workplace, there are OTHER women.

It is so critical right now to your recovery from this toxic addiction that you understand there are OTHER, BETTER women out there. Forget about trying to explain or understand the engaged woman at work. She's just "her." Fine. Let her go. Move on. But a service like "Match" will help you immensely to let go and move on. Start communicating with these other women.

And finally, for some unsolicited advice (because you did ask about how to deal with other women that you will shortly begin dating), DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TELL THIS STORY TO ANY WOMAN YOU DATE. Do not, do not, do not, talk about this woman and your travails with any date.

Print the post  


What was Your Dumbest Investment?
Share it with us -- and learn from others' stories of flubs.
When Life Gives You Lemons
We all have had hardships and made poor decisions. The important thing is how we respond and grow. Read the story of a Fool who started from nothing, and looks to gain everything.
Contact Us
Contact Customer Service and other Fool departments here.
Work for Fools?
Winner of the Washingtonian great places to work, and Glassdoor #1 Company to Work For 2015! Have access to all of TMF's online and email products for FREE, and be paid for your contributions to TMF! Click the link and start your Fool career.