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>>>>Tom's legs seemed to collapse as he plopped on the floor. The thud reverberated along the platform.CK: Not how I would word it, but I understand your point. I could have said "Tom sat down heavily as his legs collapsed beneath him." but I like the imagery of the marionette, even if has been used before.>>>>"We go home." Cap walked back to the lift. I could see his neck muscles tense as he resisted the urge to look back.Not bad. How about if I combine yours and Hook's, and a bit of my own:Cap took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. “We go home,” he said, squaring his shoulders. It might have sounded uncaring to someone else, but we knew better. Cap turned and headed back to the portal. I could see his neck muscles tighten as he fought the temptation to look back one last time. (I thought about "It might have sounded uncaring to someone who didn't know Cap, but we understood the depth of his pain." but I decided that simpler was better in this case.)Mark.
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