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Well, I had the follow up ultrasound. I made it through the last week, still in a daze, not really thinking that I might have a viable pregnancy. I was too firmly told otherwise nearly two weeks ago.

The tech had the monitor turned away from me, so I could not see what she was looking at. She didn't say anything at all during the procedure, and I just laid there and tried to pretend I was someplace else. I have been so tired lately I fall asleep every time I close my eyes, and I nearly drifted off to sleep during the procedure, even though it was a trans-vaginal scan and the tech wasn't particularly gentle.

She told me it was all done, and I could get dressed, and then almost as an afterthought said, "Well, things are progressing well. It looks like a normal, 6 week 4 day pregnancy, and there is a heartbeat. We'll send a full report to your doctor."

Knock me over with a feather! I have not spoken with my Doc yet, and don't know what we do from here. I know the odds are better now, though as Jan pointed out, not 100% by any means.

I am in emotional limbo. I clearly feel pregnant, and in fact I have had to go shopping already. Not because of weight gain, which hasn't happened yet, but because someone removed my breasts and replaced them with Dolly Parton's. I had to buy bras two cup sizes larger, and some new shirts! What a complete embarrassment to be walking around looking like a porn star. None of the pregnancy books mention this problem, all they talk about is "tingling" or "discomfort". I hope it doesn't continue or I'm really going to be funny looking. I also am dead tired, and nauseous much of the time, and very sensitive to bad smells.

In spite of all this, I just can't believe that I'm "really" pregnant, or that a child will result. I think I'm trying to avoid the emotional pain of another miscarriage, by not getting my hopes up or getting too excited. Instead I still feel like I'm on pins and needles, just waiting for something bad to happen.

I wish I could snap out of it. I wish I could be like everybody else, blissfully unaware of the potential problems, and happily picking out baby names. I wish I could sleep through the night!

I know I should be happy about this news. It is another step closer down the path to parenthood. Maybe in time I'll relax. I hope so!
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